Humans. We’re one of the only species on Earth that name our television shows, and yet we are still terrible at it. Thus, I have taken the liberty of listing every single television show, why its name is confusing, and better names for it.
Sons of Anarchy
Too roundabout—your TV show should never make me think more than thirty seconds about what it could mean. Be straight and to the point!
– Anarchy Is Our Dad
– Motorcycle Friends
The Price Is Right
This one is perhaps the most baffling to me—in this show contestants are nearly always getting the price wrong, the notorious opposite of right.
– Cheering With Strangers
– A Microwave For Tabatha?
Good Morning America
Extremely presumptuous. I work the graveyard shift at the old roller rink with my cousin Toad, and when we return to our full-sized bed we can only fall asleep to Michael Strahan’s wacky hijinks.
– Good Night Sean & Toad
Full House / House of Cards
These shows sound similar and like they’re about cards, but really they couldn’t be more different and less about cards. In one, a never-ending carousel of children torture Bob Saget, and the other is about how much Kevin Spacey sucks.
Improved Titles (Full House):
– Everybody’s Here!
– The Hirsute Uncle
– House of Cards
Improved Titles (House of Cards):
– The Robin Wright Spectacular Extravaganza
– How A Bill Becomes…A Flaw (Whoa)
American Horror Story
This show is crazy town!
I haven’t seen this yet but my coworkers love talking about it with my boss, leaving me to double check all of the roller skates for bugs. They’re getting valuable face time with him as they vie for the coveted arcade manager job. It’s nothing but cutthroat office politics at the roller rink.
– Sean Why Don’t You Come Hang Out Instead Of Double Checking For Bugs (SWDYCHOIODCFB)
This title could not be more vague. West? World? You’ve lost me.
– Beep Boop Yeehaw
– Hot Hardcore Banging Blondes XXX [HD]
Game Of Thrones
This entire show is confusing to me and frankly needs to be made a lot simpler. Instead of six hundred characters who we all hate, there should be one main character, who is nice, and maybe some guests, who are also nice. And instead of being about geopolitical conflict in a fantasy world, it should be about something everyone can understand, like food.
– The Rachael Ray Show
Dancing With The Stars
My cousin is getting tapped for assistant arcade manager. It turns out that when we got home from our night shift, after I fell asleep to Good Night Sean & Toad, he would stay up to watch SWDYCHOIODCFB.
– Beating Up My Cousin
This one is fine