March 2020

22. Lord’s day. Great fear of the Sicknesses here in the City, it being said that two or three TGI Fridays are already shut up. God preserve us all.

25. Some of our maids sitting up late last night to get things ready against our feast today, Jane called us up, about 3 in the morning, to tell us of a great ruckus they saw in the City. So I rose, and slipped on my nightgown and went to her window, and there I did see a ruckus as she so described. People I see, pursuing violence for the sake of Charmin Ultra Soft. If the Sickness continues among us another yeare, the Lord knows what will become of us.

26. Up and to the office, where all the morning till late. I met also with Mr Evelyn in the streete, who tells me of the sad condition at this very day of the City for the sickness. He informs me of this newes from a distance of six feet, which tickles me peculiar. To the office, I must not attend tomorrow nor for the foreseeable thereafter, for measures of social distancing must we comply. Thus I think to take Adieu today of London streets.

30. Lay very long in bed, enthralled by newly bequeathed Ozark. The Sickness, I hear, encreases in the towne much, and exceedingly in the country everywhere. This day usually entailing much conversing and alignment of affairs with colleagues in Parliament, now occupied by John Krasinski’s looks to the camera and many a silly walk by Python-alum.

31. Thence by the entrance, eagerly awaiting contact-free takeout. Patter of feet is a sound I have surely forgotten, brought back to consciousness by the arrival of my Uber Eats Chow Mein. Having dined, then to bed. Two seasons of Law and Order: SVU attended to before my eventual slumber.

April 2020

1. A chuckle scarce on this Fool’s Day. Myself and family in good health, consisting of myself and wife, and Tom, my boy. My wife lately busy in learning to paint, with great pleasure and successe. Also, encreased at nagging she has now become, with dishwasher and laundry altercations frequent and plenty. Beginning to succumb to cabin fever after these mere 48 hours I surely am.

5. Lord’s day. Consideration of moving my wife to Woolwich. Quite a fracas ensued in the early hours after a passing suggestion we should slumber in separate chambers, as to fight the urge to smother one another. Thence to the kitchen this evening to dine on further ramen, and then so to bed, with Wrestlemania 36 offering subtle relief.

11. Lay very long in bed, discoursing with Mr. Hill via FaceTime of most things of a man’s life, and how little merit doth prevail in the world. Despite the Sickness, I have raised my estate from 13001 in this month to 13071. I have got myself greater interest, I think, by my diligence, and will seek further extension of my Disney+ membership this coming month.

24. Word from Italy, which also grows very sickly. I was amused by the tunes played by the balconied residents. However, my wife’s inquiry with regards to the state of the dirty dishes, thinly veiled with passive aggression, frustrates me. These words having confirmed wish to possess my own balcony, with preference of the top floor, as to grant my desire to perish accordingly.

July 2020

4. With great joy I received the good newes of the decrease of the Sickness this week. It is true we have gone through great melancholy because of the great Sickness, and I put to great charges by it. Yet to our great joy, the town fills apace, and shops begin to open again. Pray continue the Sickness’ decrease. So God preserve us all and friends long, and continue health among us.