Daily funny articles by seasoned comedy writers and fresh voices. Best of Year | Editors' Picks | People's Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Having never been to a mandatory restaurant before, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but Marshall-Chase-Spiderman-Sit-Down-Now was delightful!
And your little ghost friends? They can’t spend the night. All of you swirling around in a big circle above the roof.
Has that ever happened to you? Where your body is moving but your mind starts to dissociate? I bought party hats! Who wants one?
"Fearless" -- You see the glass as half-full, not half-empty. That includes the glass of tea which you brought to Lady Ashby the day she died.
Kevin demands only the best from his employees. He constantly circles my desk to “check in,” especially when I’m on my period.
Do anteaters regret doing whatever the hell it is they do all day? I wanna say eat ants, but I'm not positive.
- O Captain! My Captain! - Please get off the desk.
I just happen to like the smooth sound of “Michael Jordackson.” It’s got a nice ring to it.
The college was rebuilt in 1795 by local train tycoon Silas Tother when he needed a place to quietly send his troublesome boys, Phinneas and Hellmouth.
Instead of giving your employees bonuses, wouldn't it be better to hire me to list off my Wikipedia page for an hour?
Choose a ringtone that’s right for you, your lifestyle, and your tolerance for the incessant cacophony of crickets inside your head jar.
Walk out: Just leave en masse. Once you're a healthy distance away from me, there will be no one to support my Multi-Level Marketing Religion.