Hey everyone. Thank you for checking in to see if the dinner party at our house is still on for tonight. It’s definitely still on! As you might’ve heard, things have been a little crazy over here. We were in the middle of wedding planning when the news broke that gay marriage might soon be overturned and we’re in a state of complete shock. But we’re not going to let that stop us from hosting this thing. So come on over. See you soon.

You made it! Hi! Whoops. My voice cracked. Sorry. I’m a little on edge.

Let’s move into the kitchen, shall we?

Welcome to our humble abode! I feel like you can just smell the stress in here. Does stress have a smell? Anyway, thanks for coming. I see that you brought wine. That is so nice, thank you. That actually makes me think of the wine we might be having at the wedding. Babe, can you take the wine? Babe, can you take the wine right now and put it away somewhere? Haha. Thank you. Sorry.

Are you guys hungry? We have a tossed salad that we can start eating soon. It’s a little extra tossed. I was just tossing, tossing, tossing, on autopilot. Has that ever happened to you? Where your body is moving but your mind starts to dissociate?

I bought party hats! Who wants one?

Man, I haven’t seen you guys in so long. Definitely not since I heard that I might not be able to marry the love of my life. What’s new with everyone? Oh, Brian, you said your sister got married last summer? Okay. Hold up. DING DING DING. You said the word married. Hold on. I’ve practiced this exact scenario with my therapist all week. Babe, can you go get me the stress ball? Babe, can you go get me the stress ball right now? Haha. Sorry. Okay. I have the ball. Go ahead Brian. Coast is clear. Fire away. Tell me about your sister.

That is so great for her! Tell her hello! But don’t let her text me about it or anything!

Wait, Tom, you said you’re sending out your save the dates soon? Do you want to talk about your wedding too?

Houston, that is not a problem.

I’ve prepared for this conversation too. I have a meditation app pulled up. Okay, I’ll have my app turned to the highest level, hope it’s not too much trouble to tell the story while the app is playing aloud. When you hear my app say, “Imagine you are somewhere else…” Then that’s when you start. K?

Wow, Tom, that all sounds beautiful. So happy for you.

Huh. It would appear that I developed hives and sweat through all of my clothes during that story. Interesting.

WHO’S READY TO EAT?

Before we dig in, let’s make a toast! Anyone have one? I can start. A toast to… all of the LGBT people before me, whose blood, sweat, tears, and activism may soon be demolished with the stroke of a pen. And to all the LGBT people who are rightfully angry, distraught, afraid, and in a deep stage of rage, not knowing if their future will suddenly be stripped from them at any minute.

Anyone else have a toast?

C’mon guys, don’t be shy. Sounds like crickets in here!

Okay, well… a toast to this dinner! Bottoms up! Bon appétit!

As far as topics that we can talk about at the dinner table, I’ve just scribbled a few notes down here. In terms of topics to avoid, let’s go with, anything else about Brian’s sister, any weddings that you’ve ever seen or heard about, be it your wedding, anything on TV, etc. Also, anything having to do with happy people, people in love, or anything about people laughing and having a good time in general. Is that cool with everyone? Hope it’s not too much to ask.

Damn. Looks like I have an entire body rash forming now. Do I have a bloodshot eye? That is so funny. I’m gonna just poke into the bathroom and take a little look.

Talk amongst yourselves. Kick back and relax!

So, does anyone have any fun summer plans?

I actually do seem to have a very bloodshot eye. My doctor was calling it “stress eye.” Did you know that mental stress can affect your eyes, and lead to visual distortions and even vision loss?

How’s the chicken? Everything tasting good?

Wait, Brian, I’m sorry. Did I just hear a news alert come up on your phone?

Hey. You guys look different. I’m on the ground now. Did I pass out?

I’m sorry. A news alert on my phone is how I first found out about gay marriage possibly getting overturned, so I just need a second.

No, no. Don’t call anyone or try to help me up. I feel great down here, actually.

And you know what, I can host from down here.

Anyone in the mood for dessert?

Shit. Desserts remind me of weddings.


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