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I end every email with “cheers.” My keys are on a carabiner attached to my belt. I call Easter “Zombie Jesus day.”
Feelings of guilt and shame will give you the boost you need to keep on crunching. Your core will thank you!
The “Seat Yourself” sign in a totally empty restaurant, so I stood awkwardly at the host stand for 15 minutes.
Q: What’s keeping gators from the kids? A: Nothing! Your kids can get up close and personal with our alligators.
11:45 PM: Really starting to get worried. 12:12 AM: Are you mad at us? 1:37 AM: Did you block us?
Remember: if our competitors are not fined out of existence, then your friends and neighbors died for nothing.
Now every time I walk, they thump a loafer on a piece of linoleum. I mean dammit, their timing is perfect but you know I’m sensitive about my gait.
Clapping along: You’re confident. Some would say overconfident. Holding up a lighter: You have a peace sign bumper sticker on your car.
The Laws of Robotics, if Isaac Asimov was really into Partying: A robot must not harsh the vibe, or by inaction, allow the vibe to be harshed.
HIRING: One male and one female of every animal. Please submit a cover letter explaining why you are the most qualified/fertile of your species.
Please do not straddle the beast unless you have experience wielding crotch rockets of NASA caliber.
I don’t want my future to go up in smoke. Sam is always watching. I don’t want to risk my chances of getting into a good college. Or my standing with Sam.