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HIRING: One male and one female of every animal. Please submit a cover letter explaining why you are the most qualified/fertile of your species.
Please do not straddle the beast unless you have experience wielding crotch rockets of NASA caliber.
I don’t want my future to go up in smoke. Sam is always watching. I don’t want to risk my chances of getting into a good college. Or my standing with Sam.
Although, if I’m honest, Amanda has horrible email etiquette. One time she shared her screen during a meeting and I saw 12,000 unread emails.
We are strongly discouraging any food vloggers, frat bros, or any self-proclaimed "spice fiends" from coming to Tony’s Tavern (off I-85, exit 17).
My face won’t get all red and puffy, instead, it will take on a healthy glow, so much so that I will no longer need to wear makeup ever again.
I’m talking secrets. Intrigue. Betrayal. A young Penn Badgley. Oh, yeah. I rented "Margin Call." What do you mean, “What’s that?”
My downstairs neighbors should give up on the thing they call a “heavy metal bagpipes band.”
Act now to receive a lifetime of resentment from the rest of our family.
Step Three: Click the “Confirm Cancel Membership” Button. Step Four: Unsheath that broadsword, foolish mortal!
Give in to this workshop not by writing, but by taking turns asking for more condiments, plates, and silverware as I stash them in my purse.
Grape that went under the refrigerator: I swear it bounced off my knee and shot directly under the fridge.