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Anti-Christ. Bizarro-God. The Divinaughty. Providen’t. The horn in horny. The original Pitchfork Media. The devil you know.
Hey Google, search “affordable therapists near me,” and please read the results to the tune of “Baby Shark.”
Later I realized the pins shouldn’t have had an extended death sequence where they struggle on the ground pleading for their life.
We regret to inform you we won't be able to offer you a position at this time. We'll always wonder what could have been.
Our menu? Menu…. Oh, the "menu"! Yes, sorry, didn’t follow what you meant at first. We can’t remember the last time someone actually asked for that.
A bank teller overeager to waive overdraft fees on my debit card in an attempt to maintain our relationship.
Two friends book a cabin with two beds on Airbnb, but upon arriving they realize the second bed is actually a yoga mat with a blanket and pillow.
It’s not all caviar and champagne; just some of it--like 40 percent. SHUT UP! Don’t speak. I have a lot to say.
I do take issue with whoever claimed the domain liveauctionfor115belleview.net and started an all-out bidding war for my family’s home.
If you have an insatiable lust for owing thousands of dollars to a university, then don't let other people's warnings slow you down.
Somewhere along the way, every single person I’ve ever known got the idea that silly socks were the thing I cherished most.
“Candidates should be comfortable with ambiguity.” Translation: We have no idea what’s going on.