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Dear Summer Internship, thank you for giving me something to do during the daytime. Masturbation was getting old. That said, I have to address a few issues since I started working here...
15 acronyms to help shorten the same tired post-party conversations about girls, drinking, and wicked hangovers.
P.E. gets worse, lunch still sucks, and there's going to be a pop quiz in 2 minutes. I'm your new principal, have a great day, kids!
I have no clue where I am, and I think the world is ending. Lasers are shooting at me from the stage, and Kanye West is there, dancing and singing like a 14-year-old girl.
I'll tell you what I'm looking forward to most about becoming a complete degenerate: exposing my children to my heinous lifestyle.
Rumors have been circulating for weeks now regarding Barack Obama's potential vice presidential running mate. Look no further than these 6 candidates...
I'm not funny or sexy, so I never have sex, nor make people laugh, let alone both simultaneously.
I would like to apologize to the Sanctuary night club downtown. I appreciate that you let me in despite the fact that I looked visibly intoxicated, and ended up disgracing your establishment.
To truly understand where we are going as partiers, we must understand where we have come from. That includes studying the alcoholic tragedy of the Titanic.
I will be the first to admit it: I get drunk or drugged out, and make bad decisions. The difference between is, I don’t experience regret like you.
An increasingly drunk guy at a party reviews Independence Day, 3 beers at a time. Will Smith, so awesome dude!!
They say that if you practice something hard enough, you'll eventually become an expert. Then how come I try sleeping every single night but always fail so miserably?