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Relieve overburdened employees and join the growing volunteer program at grocery stores everywhere: the self-checkout line!
Is it possible to rock a hooker’s world? Could I get a hooker to pay me? Only way to find out is to put my penis to work in one.
The American Dream isn't as far off as you think. Just stick to slothfulness and the unearned judgment of others - that’s our generation’s legacy.
In college, inner beauty clearly has as much use as a book on how to read, at least as far as getting laid goes. Enter the slut theory.
Sometimes you just feel the need to punch somebody. And if you follow that impulse, there's a job that let's you live your fantasy: grab a clipboard and become a bouncer.
The substitute teacher is in the room and he's brought the Thought Police with him. Disobedience will not be tolerated. Dissent will not be heard.
Modern research tells us the cerebellum controls cognitive functions like attention, language, and music - 3 key ingredients in getting laid.
Once again, you confront the fiendish "brain in a jar" that has taken over your life. And what happens? You lose your nerve, and the brain wins again.
Since we were little, Disney has been shoving the "nice guy, true love" lie down our throats. But no more.
George Washington gets word that a stage coach with Martha inside was captured by terrorists, and proceeds to school John Adams on dealing with the situation.
When it comes down to it, I am a heinous individual. Suze Orman, other people's pets, and old people on ego trips cannot be tolerated.
It all starts with one "friend add" on Facebook, and it leads to breakups, suicide, betrayal, and despair. Next time think before you log on.