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Often times when my girlfriend is bored, she decides that she wants to talk about feelings. So, as a preemptive tactic, I have decided to list the actual feelings men have: A) Pissed Off, B) Hungry, and C) Horny.
A county judge has to use his intellect and sense of decency and fairness to decide important issues facing people's destinies. That's why I have decided to run for this judgeship.
The Starbucks 'Coffee Lid Sip Hole Plug Stopper Starbucks Lid': an ultra-clever little mass-produced piece of plastic designed to plug the tiny little two centimeter hole that you're SUPPOSED to drink your coffee from. Way to go, invention nerds.
As a writer, I have discovered a number of techniques to ensure the opening of your short story engages your audience while propelling your narrative forward at light speed. It is my pleasure to share these techniques with you in what I call 'The Three Se
Ulysses S. Grant responds to Jefferson Davis' threats of a renewed Separatist Movement in the South by getting drunk, riding straight to South Carolina and challenging him to a duel. But not before passing out in his own vomit.
Still wondering whether it’s worth making the trek down to the polling precinct where the line will be wrapped around town? Here's how to know.
Dear Boss, I have a confession to make. I probably should have told you a long time ago before things got out of hand: I've been taking steroids every day on the job since Day 1 (and before the job during our interviews).
In your never-ending quest to get laid, several natural enemies will present themselves time and time again. They are known as Cockblocks. Heed the following advice well and forget not the danger that looms.
As the concert begins I will become much too over-stimulated for my own good. It is then that I will demonstrate my appreciation for the present moment by throwing shit. What kind of shit will I throw? All kinds of shit.
There are a lot of bad things that can happen to people in this screwed-up world, but there's nothing worse than discovering your hamster is contaminated.
Mr. Cook, I can no longer sit back while your egregious blunders defame the good name of those around you. Especially the illustrious Dennis Rodman.
We, the people, are the drunk chick at the bar. We are expected to do very little, except pick the politician who promises us the best stuff, and then get fucked by him later.