Daily funny articles by seasoned comedy writers and fresh voices. Best of Year | Editors' Picks | People's Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Don't be sucked in to a chastity cult that treasures their virginity. A virgin is a horrible, horrible thing to be. If you are a virgin, please stop being it.
Oh, I see you staring at me from the other side of this Starbucks, watching in heat as I seductively sip my double-mocha-frappa-chai-latte. The sex is imminent.
Unlike weed though, one hit of Salvia lets you know that you are a fragile being, and that it's about to fuck you harder than most prison inmates would.
Since by my estimate the average person has the intelligence of salad dressing, it shouldn't be a shock to see people do stupid things. But it never fails.
Thank goodness the Republicans nominated you, a WOMAN, as the vice presidential candidate! It’s such a relief to toss aside my personal beliefs and blindly follow you and John!
I should just expressly state my purpose here: I intend to pursue any type of sex act with That One Girl From Clarissa Explains It All (I believe it's “Clarissa” actually).
Sorry to hear you've been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. But since you won't remember anything I write in this letter, let me take the opportunity to reveal how much I've always despised the elderly.
Six conversations college students would have in everyday life if daytime drinking wasn't so heavily looked down upon, from dealing with cops to potential employers.
To me, Applebee’s represents the muddling down of all cultures, to create meals that cater to everyone, and in doing so satisfy no one.
To put it mildly, Sarah Palin makes me want to lay pipe in Alaska. And if she's not up for getting freaky the Washington way, let’s hope her pregnant daughter is.
There’s a lot of things going on in the gym. It can be a confusing place, especially for fucking idiots. For example, taking a leak in the shower is OK; jacking off in there is NOT.
Cringe your face, roll your eyes and squirm in your seat to poems like "The Vomit Look," "Erection at a Funeral" and "Sorry I’m Late, There was Heavy Sex Traffic."