I was watching the Republican National Convention the other night, and apparently women have the right to vote and participate in elections. Not only that, but a manly female executive of Ebay spoke about something, and then a slightly more attractive (but still not attractive) Hewlett-Packard exec carried on about something else. The show was almost over, but the Republicans had saved the best for last–the MILF grand finale: SARAH PALIN!!

She came walking out in her black mini-skirt (undoubtedly wearing sexy underwear or none at all) and sliver blouse with high heeled shoes (if only they were 6" clear heels). She was funny, rattling off jokes about hockey moms and pit bulls, and she was serious at times. To me it demonstrated that she could not only entertain, but dominate one in the sack.

Sarah Palin Vogue coverTo put it mildly, Sarah Palin makes me want to lay pipe in Alaska.

And by lay pipe I mean engage in aggressive intercourse.

I know what you're thinking: "Cheese, isn't she married?" And yes, she is married (fuck you, Todd Palin). But so was Bill Clinton, and Hillary didn't mind! It's the way things work in Washington. And if her husband wasn't up to speed about how Washington really works then you can't blame me (blame the process). Don't worry Todd, your wife (and vice presidential candidate) means nothing to me; it will be purely physical. I mean, the woman comes with baggage (5 kids, one is retarded). So Todd, you can own the car, I just want to drive it hard on the weekends.

Speaking of the kids, did you see the hot little pregnant chick with the huge rack, Bristol!? If Sarah and Todd aren't into getting freaky the Washington way, let's hope their pregnant daughter's up for it. Let's face facts… you can't knock them up twice. Besides, Levi Johnson is a stupid hockey-jock who's just going to leave her when he turns pro or goes off to college and sees the abundance of hot non-pregnant tail walking around. It's a land to conquer Levi… it's a land to conquer!

Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston