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Attention young and naive students of the world: reading is overrated, true love does not exist, and the most self-controlled people are often the most dangerous.
Soccer and hockey need to go the way of the dodo. You didn't ask, but I'm about to tell you why these sports are vastly inferior to others.
From my own descent into the depths of online dating, I've compiled a list of four imperatives to guide anyone who thinks him or herself intrepid enough to give it a shot.
Our evenings are now filled with dozens of hour-long shows demanding that we not only watch them, but have a full historical knowledge of the fictional world they have created.
I am only the ALLEGED naked man found at the duck pond feeding the ducks bagels. Judge, YOUR HONOR, what I'm about to tell you is my side of the story.
Welcome to the world of genetic inferiority. You have been blessed with a body that throws fits and spasms because you ate something that is normal to eat.
Children. There's the siren. You know the routine. Under your desks! Be careful. The snake got loose again. Old Rattley is on the floor somewhere and bitin' mad.
Welcome to 2012, a time when instead of expressing emotions interpersonally, we convey how we feel through a series of animated GIF files and YouTube videos.
Yesterday my boy Willie B. hooked me up with a blind date. I met her in a gas station McDonald's for an early supper, and immediately fell in lust.
I will outline all the terrible attributes that make me a bad person and suggest the underlying psychological reasons why I am perpetually alone. This will save us time I promise.
It takes a special kind of fucked up to make the Apocalypse actually happen. You can't just wing a bad disaster and hope it wipes out the planet, you need well-planned chaos.
Drinking isn't a one-size-fits-all activity, so how exactly are you gonna get drunk for your next party, office function, or family gathering? Here are 11 recipes for your next event.