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All the dusty, gold-plated, tomboy-shaped trophies that define how cool I used to be are, sadly, probably sitting on the shelves of poor children who didn't earn them.
Ladies and Gentlemen, it is an honor that you have all finally decided to recognize my accomplishments this evening. Now SUCK MY DICK, ASSHOLES!!
On my list of the most difficult challenges I have ever faced, getting back in shape after an eight-month hiatus from the gym would rank way up there.
American youths are steadily being eroded into douchebags, techno-geeks, and new age hippies. Here are the worst things chipping away at the next generation.
We all love our dogs. But there is a very real and frightening issue of the growing communist threat. Here are five ways to tell if your dog is a Pinko.
Thank god summer will be over in a couple of months. It feels like Earth has a GPS system, and someone programmed its destination to be the center of the sun.
My name is Mr. Bob. I'd like to welcome you and your child as we begin another exciting year here at "St. Bob's International School of Profoundly Deep Thinking and Spiritual Uprightness."
In an attempt to single-handedly save humanity from the impending arrival of zombies, I have compiled a survival list. Start preparing now, before you're eaten alive.
Is it even possible to stock lettuce for eight straight hours? At Trader Slaves, where the customers eat like rabbits, apparently it is.
It's time for a look at the health issue that's caused the Grim Reaper to hire a tow truck: obesity. Fat people face tough lives, but they also bring great joy to society.
Including a book full of blank, empty pages for lonely, insecure young men titled: 'THE BENEFITS OF BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP.'
Ah, recycling, being ecological, what a great feeling it is to help take care of Mother Earth. Wait, where do the glass containers go??