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My boyfriend Otis is basically the perfect boyfriend. Except he refuses to participate in any form of social media, or any type of kissing.
Douchebagism is a cancer that has metastasized throughout the social fabric, infecting the masses with narcissism, and we must seek to classify and destroy it.
It's been another year living with severe arachnophobia. After an in-class incident with a spider, I realized that they are now personally fucking with my education.
The other day I asked my Asian friend if I could be her secret bridesmaid, the same way that a traditionally ethnic ninja would ask a friend to be a secret bridesmaid.
Create a profile for your unborn infant, and get it started networking with other fetuses before it even takes its first breath.
Bro-dom is like the college version of a mid-life crisis, but these guys don't have the money to buy a too-small red convertible or a speed boat decorated with flames.
Your alarm clock went off four hours ago, it's 10:30 in the morning, on a Thursday, and then it hits you: YOU'RE STILL A TEACHER!!!! Fuck, time to get fired.
With the advent of thousands of miraculous new medicines, the danger of immortality is very real and growing faster than ever.
I strive to avoid two things: inconvenience and brainless idiots. Yet somehow I managed to find a place with both under the same roof: Oil Can Henry’s.
Few people throw serious money into movie re-enactment. Yet most of the props can be found around the house, and the set is usually the neighborhood playground.
The odometer is broken, the spoiler is broken, the sunroof is broken... okay, everything's broken except this car's will to live.
First, ask yourself why you want to suddenly start playing the guitar. Most likely you either A) want to impress girls or B) nothing else. Great!