1. The Bro
Whether it's the lax bro, row bro, pool bro, hipster bro, sk8er bro, or just a snapback wearing, mid-calf rocking douche, college seems to be a bro breeding ground. We may never know what it is about college that allows 18-year-old boys to actualize their latent desire to down Nattys and don pinnies with arm holes big enough to house their regulation-sized Frisbee instead of an underdeveloped bicep.
Bro-dom is like the college version of a mid-life crisis, but these guys don't have the money to buy a too-small red convertible or a speed boat decorated with flames. Instead, they overdose on Vans, Ray-Bans, or sockless boat shoes (with Mom's money).
The Make-Out Whore somehow has the ability to walk into the bar and start making out with someone in the time it takes Oprah to make 500 bucks. Once they've got the uniform down, the bro is ready to get the girl. Well, ready to get denied by a girl. Or five. But the bro always has his fellow bros to re-inflate his ego. What girl wouldn't like him? He's got his pants rolled up just enough to show some ankle. Sexy. Check back in with the bro who hit on you freshman year when you're a senior. Chances are those thirty racks turned into a beer gut fit for a 50-year-old dad.
2. The Hipster
He has to buy his jeans at Gap Kids because there's no way adult clothing stores make sizes that small. He probably has to peel them off every night, yet he still holds his pants up with a belt. Fashion, man, it's a paradox. And it can be a bit of a mood killer if he happens to bring you back to his room under the guise of perusing his record collection or reading his poetry. "Hold on, give me like ten minutes to get my pants off."
The hipster doesn't drink PBR anymore, because it's so notoriously anti-mainstream that it's basically mainstream again, meaning he now drinks ‘Gansetts or some other cheap, shitty-tasting, relatively unknown beer. Ironically, of course.
3. The Overachiever
Not only does the overachiever spend his weekends at the library, he has to make sure you know about it. If he has a chemistry test coming up, all of Twitter is going to hear about how stressed he is leading up to the test, how awfully he did after the test, and how great he did after he gets the grade back. This guy will tell you anything you ever wanted to know about any country anywhere, because he's so super cultured and spends his summers Instagramming and gallivanting about Europe.
He claims to speak French or Spanish or fucking Norwegian but really he just took four years of a language in high school and the mandated year in college LIKE WE ALL FUCKING DID. ALL YOU KNOW HOW TO SAY IS WHAT YOU DID OVER THE WEEKEND. COME ON. The overachiever sucks to be friends with because he will correct you on anything and everything you say. You could be having a spoken conversation and he would jump in with, "It's actually spelled Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E."
4. The Theater Guy
He's loud. SO LOUD. Theater kids always seem to have a need to be the loudest one of the group. He strums away on his guitar, somehow managing to play every song he's ever heard with the same four chords he memorized from YouTube tutorials. He can sing every song from Wicked or some other musical that "Oh my god, you've never heard of it?!" And he'll prove it. Whether he's asked to or not.
He's got some weirdly intense theater kid bond with the rest of his fellow dramatists. Good luck making it in that group without having an appreciation for tight pants and a penchant for jokes that apparently are only funny when shouted at maximum volume.
The Theater Guy was probably in all of his high school's shows, and he's trying to hold on to that fleeting high school fame. He's the worst kind of Peter Pan. He sings, dances, acts, and just can't seem to grow up.
5. The Make-Out Whore
If you have a mouth, he's on it. It literally does not matter what you look like, what your name is, how smart you might be, or if you have a shitty personality. It barely even matters if you're a girl. He somehow has the ability to walk into the bar and start making out with someone in the time it takes Oprah to make 500 bucks. That's under a minute, by the way.
Despite his best efforts, though, he rarely seals the deal. The make-out whore's just there to ward off party boredom. Waiting around until you're up on the beer pong table? Go find the make-out whore for a bit.
6. The Newly Gay Guy
He either comes to college with a girlfriend, finds one first semester, or hooks up with girls all year. Then his first summer turns into an apparent sexuality Rumspringa as he returns sophomore year every bit as gay as a dude who has sex with dudes. He'll manage to hook up with every single gay guy on campus, and even a couple of straight ones. And a lot of girls. Because somehow a gay guy making out with a girl for fun reinforces his gayness, whereas a lesbian hooking up with a guy for fun negates her true lesbianism. Social norms, man, who brought those to the party?
7. The Nice Guy
He's actually genuinely nice. And looks out for you. And always makes you laugh. He even opens the fucking door for you. And you'll wonder why you've spent three years hooking up with bros, hipsters, and overachievers when the nice guy was there all along.