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Baby you and me ain't nothin but rabbits. So let's do it way better, more often, and super sexier than they do it on the Discovery Channel.
After braving the parallel universe that is Memebase, ignoring any terrible visions of the apocalypse, I came to a conclusion: the English language as we know it will pretty much cease to exist.
It may never be a good haircut but at least it's cheap and involves hair getting cut. That is, if you can make it through all the trials and tribulations of the waiting room.
My initial shock and disbelief quickly dissolved into anger. I knew what I was supposed to do—not litter—but where was the commercial that taught you how to deal with litterers?
My best friend and I used to laugh at people in relationships. Now I've done things so girlfriendy and embarrassing that it makes me cringe.
There comes a moment in a man's life when he stares into the jaundiced, bleary eye of fate and realizes the inescapable truth of what is to become of the rest of his time in this world.
Throughout history, cats had an uncanny ability to lull people into their graces with the innocence of kittenhood. Now we know they're sexual deviants that are full of shit.
Only follow this list if teaching has made you suicidal, OR you're a teacher who just wants to have a little fun, and you've been looking for a career change anyway.
It was Christmas Eve on Twitter when I tweeted, "I drink Starbucks coffee because when you're single, you forget the taste of butthole." And I immediately attracted the attention of one man.
Taking over a planet isn't easy. Your second in command will rally the troops, act as top henchman, and pick up a double burrito combo from Taco Bell when you're hungover.
Emma Watson said in interviews that she prefers Twilight because "it is more for girls and stuff." Similarly, Robert Pattinson lived entirely on Kellogg's Frosted Flakes to achieve his sparkly effect in Twilight.
As I sit on my couch watching an Armenian family dressed in cheetah print argue, I think to myself, "What does it take to keep up with the Kardashians?"