Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Good morning! I see you're looking at our selection of zombie-proofed vehicles. These certified ZUV's are very popular now and we've got quite a few nice ones in stock.
$9.99 a month for practically infinite music at your fingertips is a luxury YOU JUST CAN'T AFFORD. Now, tell me, what do you really see in so much Pitbull?
I want you to feel me in every inch of your body until you lose all sense of logic, and the usual minutiae of lazy Sundays goes out the window.
I've configured my playlist according to wordplay generated from wildly-named music artists, creating one continuous musical mash-up matrix. Just add more vodka.
I have been asked how the woman ended up dead in a motel room under my name, Tony the Magnificent. But if I were to divulge this secret it would destroy the illusion.
Men out there, I ask you: Would you rather marry Miss California or win 18 Olympic Gold Medals in swimming? We know these truths to be self-evident.
Dave rates his self-confidence as a 4/10. Janine tells Dave how ugly his new soul patch is, and his rating falls to a 2. By what percentage has Dave's self-confidence dropped?
"364 days a year we are forced to hide behind majestic backdrops that are later added in over our hard work. St. Paddy's is our day to shine in the limelight." -Green Screens
After a long, hearty march to end the war, Sherman and his men were disappointed, although understanding, of the equally long, less hearty march back from the sea.
Prince Percy: "General Haggis, lovely rousing words, but I was wondering if I might also have a word with our men before the glorious fight..."
Of course we'll have flying cars in the future. But there's more to driving than cars; there's going to be a whole new driving etiquette based on personal responsibility.
My intention for writing this was never to shame Officer McClane. In fact, I've learned to forgive the "cowboy cop" altogether. But there is a lesson to be learned from this.