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Please refrain from kicking the waxwork likeness of Canada’s first Prime Minister, Sir John A. Macdonald, between his legs.
I mean, surely five minutes have already passed since I started this internal monologue. Oh, it’s only been 30 seconds? Well.
The public thinks this job is all colorful vinyl and happy bouncing. They're wrong. Catastrophically wrong.
How come I could tell where everybody was in space? Did you mean for the shots to make me feel things?
Don’t you love it? It’s got a nice high collar, but three-quarters-length sleeves, so it’s not too formal.
My house got robbed and my tree did nothing. In fact, I’m pretty sure it gave the burglars the alarm code.
We settled our feud with the local breeder, and will once again have nine living, breathing reindeer on site as in days of yore.
What time are we getting coffee later? The Arabian Peninsula has always been one of the harshest environments on Earth, and 800 A.D. was no exception.
Please join us in the lobby to celebrate Christmas! We will scrounge up a folding chair or two and everyone will be afraid to sit.
How is it that my morning routine is simultaneously killing me while also helping me barely cling to dear life?
Nadine rips open the presents, revealing these primitive analog relics. But by noon, she’ll have forgotten about all of you.
This snowman wedding racket is a disgrace to the good name of clergymen everywhere.