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At a certain point, your homeboy Wile E. must realize there's more to life than trying to murder some bird. Like chilling on a perfect afternoon.
How could your bandmates of 13 rad-as-hell years up and replace you when all you requested was an indefinite break to go hunt aliens for a living?
Watching other people play video games on YouTube, crying, and masturbating hasn't helped you find anybody yet. So, what's the real problem?
I am the caregiver, companion, and confidante to 76 small and medium-sized birds that share my heart and my home. AMA!
Even though I am pursuing a stable career in human resources, please remember that I will always be your emotionally underdeveloped and insecure son.
As you point at Michael, his eyes won't stray from yours, but everyone on that jury will take note of the way you're dressed.
You're a 31-year-old seventh grader living with the love of your life, and you're so unemployed it hurts. These tricks will keep your partner at bay.
Please, please, please, Movie Gods, if you're out there, please let me come to a theater near you. It's all I've wanted since I was a wee script.
I saw my own reflection on the screen of my computer and I was reminded of the oath I took when I accepted this job at Uber.
Dear Statue, I believe unequivocally that you and I now share some cosmic bond after we locked eyes during Del Toro's acceptance speech.
Contrary to popular opinion, the aliens said even doomsday preppers won't make it that far in an apocalypse. They were explicit on this.
For the Lost Kings "Work" remix, always say "werk" in lieu of "work." As your adamantly heterosexual boyfriend says, "It's better to twerk, girl!"