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Daniel Day-Lewis really brought it in Phantom Thread. What he didn’t bring were troublesome rabbits, so my son didn't care for it at all.
For those of us over 60, cards could say, “Congratulations on outwitting the grim reaper, keep up the good work!”
The Despacito singer received a routine chest X-ray today. Doctors say the Biebs will be “mildly radioactive for the next several hours.” Cute!
A master ball isn’t gonna do it, dumbass. It’s gonna take a brand sponsorship and widespread public interest in your day-to-day bullshit.
Let’s put on some hip-hop and do leg lifts like it’s 2002! Feel the burn. Not #feelthebern. Because really, are the Bernie Bros happy now?
Maybe I should wait for Maisy to realize that anorexia is bad. Maybe I should start a hobby. Maybe I should just crack jokes like usual.
You will recall laughing after I cautioned that I had once confessed to a priest only to watch him go straight to hell. I do not recall laughing.
A great place to stay on those days when you're in a bad mood and just "wanna kill everybody on the whole fucking planet."
Let's get right into the meat of it: immigration. We're going to stop saying "carne" in this country, aren't we, Mr. President?
I was made to bring joy to this world. Now I’m on the floor where I can only bring pain. I fear I am becoming the villain.
Captain Bloodspear has an exclusive library of sea shanties that you can't hear anywhere else. All delivered in his one-of-a-kind spectral rasp.
Historically (more for you than for me as I'm hundreds of years old), gold values increase during dips in international trade.