Daily funny articles by seasoned comedy writers and fresh voices. Best of Year | Editors' Picks | People's Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
#15: A renewable source of shitty Target sweaters through the year 3035. #18: Stopper for a Jiffy Lube grease pit.
20 registers, all manned by 20 identical managers. They turn all at once and, eyes glowing yellow, sing “Derrick’s not here! Derrick’s not here!”
"But look after I beat the display game, I found my kid and bought an entire shelf of Legos out of guilt. Okay?" ---Victor Andrade (Wichita, KS)
When you’re wearing this tweed, you’ll (hopefully) never have to bleed! These battle blazers are made of our strongest tungsten chainmail.
Blocking foot-fetishist would mean losing a follower. It's not a competition, but Gabby has a ton of new followers with her "Trump sucks" schtick.
It was Lonny (that's what we called Elon) who pulled me from that dead-end mannequin job and gave me an opportunity to attend SpaceX Academy.
The grass is sparse and mowed sporadically at best, and the soil tastes flat. The view is fine, but nearby freeway noise is deafening.
“Give me a lawyer penguin.” This suspect would like to be represented by Danny Devito’s Penguin from the classic Batman Returns.
Sell and then shake 'em down for dirt on their dealer. There's only room for one dirty cop and one dirty Girl Scout troop in this neighborhood.
While not a standout diplomat by any means, there was always the fear of Tillerson putting together a semi-competent performance.
To: Juliet Miller <[email protected]> Subject: Your Last Chance to Get Up On This
It’s like being teleported to any Texaco lavatory in the tri-county area without having to leave the comfort of your living room!