I purchased several bottles of Gorilla glue. Far more than would be needed in the house and/or for any "school project." In a week we were out again.
There may be studio applause. If there is, I can assure you it’ll be excessive and unearned!
trump: jeff if you hang up on me i will have to talk directly to your— (jeff bezos hangs up)
I’m a Die-Hard Conservative, But If You Build a Border Wall, Our Texas Town Will Be Massacred By Wolves
Everyone knows I’m a patriot, but being eaten by a pack of mega-wolves with no natural predators ain’t exactly dying for your country.
A master ball isn’t gonna do it, dumbass. It’s gonna take a brand sponsorship and widespread public interest in your day-to-day bullshit.
Please, please, please, Movie Gods, if you're out there, please let me come to a theater near you. It's all I've wanted since I was a wee script.
Focus On Your Breath, Inhale Deeply, Now Exhale Slowly—Congratulations, You’ve Entered Manual Breathing Mode
Now that you're thinking about your breath every second of every day, your entire life from here on out is just one long yoga class. Congrats!
What's going on, you guys? There's not a single French politician I can't follow or unfollow with ease. It's literally just clicking a button.
It's an awful feeling, receiving DECAFFEINATED espresso. Unfortunately, the world doesn't give you refunds on your feelings. I would know.
It's no wonder you stayed hidden from me all these years: you portray a real person better than anyone I've ever seen.
I love Gabe. He's half me. And I’m sure that fact has something to do with his literal clinginess to Kristina's quadruple-D, turn-to-see milk-pillows.