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I was once beautiful. Lacy, soft, and placed with love into your dresser in the coveted spot next to that lavender sachet your grandmother gave you.
“Article II Looks Good On You” (The Journal of Bizarre Constitutional Arguments, December 2012)
A Woman I Went On Two Great, Early-In-The-Game Dates With: An incredible, staggeringly original human being who just appeared on the dating scene. 9.3
But never did I think while I was pouring over the medicinal properties of deer antler spray, that you were shirking your prepping commitment.
Mary Anne is a hawkish White House staffer in her late-20s who drafts war plans with Iran which never quite climax, but her sexual plans always do.
Our guide to this season’s hottest hairstyles will have you looking fresher than an aquarium after a water change.
In today's social climate, I've learned to not be hasty when judging people because I'm slowly learning that you humans frequently make mistakes.
Wanting to avoid doing three year's worth of laundry, I shall strike out once again, this time to conquer IKEA.
Of course it was beyond disturbing to me, especially at work, as there were litter boxes in all the conference rooms. And nobody seemed to mind.
My first word was "pasghetti." You can say "spaghetti" all you want, but fact is, I say pasghetti.
And though he was quite charming over the phone, in-person it was hard not to focus on his exceptionally poor oral hygiene.
I know you don’t get me, but there was once a time when people just like you would walk past and think, “Wow. That’s one heck of a sculpture."