Daily funny articles by seasoned comedy writers and fresh voices. Best of Year | Editors' Picks | People's Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
The Emperor’s New Groove: Was the world clamoring for a remake of this 2000 sort-of hit that was almost universally praised as “fine?”
When the captain misspoke and said “tur-buh-lence,” instead of “turbulence,” I was like a shark smelling blood in the water.
Public Father-Son Relationship Repair Stations: A stern daddy figure who’s really a teddy bear is waiting to surprise you with a big, warm hug.
I’m not actually Chinese but, as Chinese is the official language of all of Asia and being Asian, means I’m Chinese. I see you are quite cultured, sir.
I know what you're thinking: how do you think holding another bikini car wash is appropriate when we haven’t cleaned up the blood from the last one?
You are supposed to be here no matter what the Space Squids wrote on your locker in 4-dimensional ink that you had to get a Helper-Droid to translate.
TIME Magazine once called Dr. Krunth, “a man mad enough to think himself a God while doing the work of the Devil.” All summer I would call him “boss.”
People tell me I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but that’s not true at all. It was bronze.
I caught your last prep school match against Groton, and let me be plain: you are a truly gifted combat juggler, a “once-in-a-century” talent.
I am also sorry for not leaving when you all walked in, immediately noticed me, and asked me to leave. That was wrong, and I am sorry.
Welcome to your life! You’ve been lucky enough to draw the sought after white, middle-class, dual-working parent scenario.
Dear Stable Genius, do reach out to this Nancy. A handwritten note of apology on stationery is a lovely gesture that will surely smooth things over.