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Despite being “Employee of the Month” at the Chili’s I work at, this pales in comparison to the abysmal feeling of not being a billionaire.
Our first date was straight out of a rom-com. Like, literally! He took me to Fenway Park, just like in Fever Pitch.
We’ve determined that the situation you’ve described does not qualify as Friendship and maybe you should just get a dog. Or a better vibrator.
Sexy post-apocalyptic film and TV were all the rage in the 2010s. Now that the eco-apocalypse is here, make all those fashion preparations pay off.
I do great with a dress code. You guys had me at matching outfits. I was in marching band all throughout high school, so I totally get it.
That should say “eight million." I guess you could pay somebody to fix it or—wait, we do that for free, all for the cost of a cup of coffee, don’t we?
It has taken hard work to get to where I am. I am a self-made, set-a-guy-up-to-be-murdered-and-steal-his-identity kind of person.
"That resembles nothing of a telephone, and I should know, I once lost a beloved terrier to Alexander Graham Bell in an ill-advised wager."
God, I adore those deadly Arctic air jet streams like they’re a Jacuzzi jet femme fatale delivering ice to my shivering body. The tingle!
We want our employees to look virtually identical so if one disappears (I mean "calls out") we can just sub someone else into that role.
We're always putting our customers' needs first. And they need more meat. So we’re shoving 20 times the beef into our lasagnas.
Zoboomers love to slip in hip cool slang like “fire,” “drip,” and “lit” to help better blend themselves in with the younger generation.