I don't know if your group takes applications or not, so I'll be brief. I got one glance at you guys and I was hooked. I think I’ve got what it takes to be in your gang, and here are some reasons why:

  • I’m not a rule breaker (unless you want me to be)
    • I’m aware that you guys have a lot of rules and regulations, which I am more than happy to follow. However, if you need something done (being an outlaw crew and all) I’ll gladly do it. I’m a total follower and am flexible either way.
  • Diversity quota
    • I hear the majority of your gangs consist of white men. Well I’m a charming young Asian woman who’s looking and willing to ride. I bet I can do great things for your diversity ratings, since it seems that affirmative action hasn’t reached you guys yet.
  • I’m an adventure junkie
    • I love to travel and I’m looking to see some more of this crazy planet we call home. Going different places can really enlighten a person, and what better way to reach enlightenment than with you guys?!
  • I do great with a dress code
    • You guys had me at matching outfits. I think it’s clever, sharp, and all around a fantastic look. I was in marching band all throughout high school, so I totally get it. Plus, I could definitely bring some creativity to the table if you’re trying to add some more flare to the look. For instance, have you guys ever considered epaulettes?
  • I’ve got a lot to offer, skill-wise
    • As you can see from my epaulettes idea, I come with creativity. But that’s not all, I’m a total team player and am always looking for a challenge. And if it’s worth anything, I even used to be a student government secretary. So if you’re looking for a minute-keeper during meetings, I’m your gal.
  • I’ve been riding bikes since I was five
    • Now stay with me here, I’ve never actually ridden a motorcycle. BUT, I can ride a bicycle and even do that thing where you stand up and pedal at the same time to gain more speed. Plus I know at least two people who have done cross-country cycling trips, so you could say I’m a biking enthusiast.
  • Going along with that, I also have a Peloton
    • I ride my Peloton like a motherfucker. ‘Nuff said.
  • I was in Girl Scouts
    • Since you guys run on a patch based hierarchy, I’m happy to say that I was a Brownie Scout back in the day. Here are just some of the patches I earned for my various skills: Brownie First Aid, Cabin Camper, Bugs, Space Science Adventurer, Dancer, and Snacks.
  • I’ve got great references
    • I’ve been to a fair amount of spin classes, so I have the stamina and know what it’s like to be screamed at while on a bike. Trust me, I can handle the pressure. Just call the SoulCycle on West 27th if you don’t believe me, ask for Deangelo.

Now, why do I want in? You’d think it’d be because of the sheer badassery of it all, or the exhilarating feeling of total freedom (though they both are tempting). But I actually want in for the social aspect. I don’t have a lot of close friends or bonds with people these days. I’ve been trying to get out there, but the spin classes and Girl Scouts alumni gatherings I’ve been going to just aren’t giving me the right vibe. So I’m looking to try something new, and I think you guys are the perfect fit.

If you do decide to let me join, feel free to contact me or Deangelo of SoulCycle since you'll already have him on the phone. Thank you for your consideration, and you won’t be disappointed. Because if you choose me, I promise we’ll get on like gangbusters.