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We may not have the NBA Bubble, but we do have the NHL Geodesic Sphere. It’s an exhibit called "1999: World of Tomorrow," and it’s your new home.
Attain Zen. Zen means knowing if you are smiling and crying at once, you are making a rainbow.
Please don’t reopen school. I won’t be able to make it another year with those behemoths suffocating me with their skeevy, pudgy fingers.
I have noted my standards and policies. These are negotiable due to the extremely low bar I have set due to previous experiences with straight men.
Turn off all the lights except for a flickery one, and point at it and say, “Is that the North Star?” Then sleep on the kitchen floor.
If there’s not enough pollution in the air to do serious damage to your lungs, doctors will suddenly find themselves out of work.
You’re a little too dull for my tropical lifestyle. Sorry, I’ve had a pitcher of strawberry daiquiris, but I’ll say it again: you are BORING!
This is my life! I’m not a clown some of the time, Brad, I’m a clown all of the time. So what if the funeral director kicked me out?
After watching for a month, surviving on nothing but beef jerky and "good vibez," I have begun to understand their culture and how they operate.
How did you hear about us? From cousin Annie at Thanksgiving or cousin Tom at Christmas?
A poorly installed backsplash could actually DECREASE the value of my home, but did Rick Allen hire some “licensed professional” to do his drumming?
How am I supposed to believe a real colonial woman is teaching me to churn butter, when her flawless colonial outfit is tainted by latex gloves?