Thank you for your interest in pursuing a romantic situationship with me.

I would love to accept your offer to get a drink with you. I have always found you attractive but not attractive enough to make the first move myself. That being said, I would love to clarify the intention behind the date by EOD so that we can establish guidelines for the evening, minimize future miscommunication, and set clear goals for the quarter.

First off, are you interested in pursuing a relationship? If so, this is great news as I am looking for this myself. Please note that I will require a weekly commitment of 6 hours for the first 3 months, with a larger commitment in the future. I have noted some of my standards and policies on the next page. All of these are negotiable due to the extremely low bar I have set for myself due to previous experiences with other straight men.

Second, are you interested in pursuing something casual? If so, please reach out to me in a different calendar year as I do not have the bandwidth to take on this project—the project being you. However you are more than welcome to like all of my selfies on Instagram—I will include a hyperlink at the end. Thank you for your interest! I enjoy all forms of validation because I was taught from a very young age that my looks and male approval determine my worth.

Third, are you simply looking for a one-night stand of sorts? This is also great news as I could potentially be interested in this depending on the way the evening unfolds. Some factors that could make this scenario plausible are things like your body odor and generically symmetrical face. However, my level of inebriation and lack of self-worth due to decades of being socialized to believe I would never meet the impossible standard set for women could also be a contributing factor. So please share your POV on this matter beforehand as I will have to take extra care in getting ready for our meeting.

Now finally, are you unsure of what you want? Unsure of which of the buckets you may fit into? If so, I urge you to do some research and self-reflection. Perhaps weigh your pros and cons based on how demanding your schedule is in accordance to your age, financial status, interest in reproduction in the near future, and whether this is actually just about an ex-girlfriend you are still not over. If you are still unsure, I would like to note that while I admire your interest, I cannot hope to help you ascertain this goal and wish you the best of luck in your endeavors!

Thank you again, I look forward to it being weird the next few times we see each other.