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I enjoy the bachelor lifestyle that comes with living on an island that was ransacked by humans in the 1800s.
We’re all hurting. Which is why we need to stick together, much like these beautiful hardwood scales and the brass pins they’re fastened with.
My response time is immediate. Sometimes I respond to texts before I even get them.
I founded the OLA (Ostracoderms Live Again), and we filed an injunction against placoderms for forcing their jaw hinge on us without our permission.
I don’t appreciate him shaking his moneymaker on my television set to the tune of four easy payments of $19.95.
All I wanted to do is continue the progression of time the way it has been going for all of fucking history. But suddenly the pandemic's MY fault?
I seem to have sat at a desk that was positioned in front of a “shit ton of Nerf guns.” Actually, 33 to be exact.
Thanks to their tapering form, carrots are a real bitch to peel and cut up without slicing a finger. They are an accident waiting to happen.
Let me guess, you didn’t want to carry it around with you for the rest of your walk and you planned on picking it up on your way home?
People have asked, "Braeden, how will you balance the immense responsibilities of being America's 57th Bachelor with running for the office?"
Patient says he’s over seventy years old, but he appears approximately eight years of age. Other than this red flag, clearly has commitment issues.
Watching Others Write Checks: The viewer can see whether the person writes the check and then tears it out, or tears it out first and then writes it.