The New York Times reported recently that a strange new form of entertainment has emerged: videos of people vacuuming, mopping floors, scrubbing stoves, sinks, toilets—i.e., performing the kinds of household chores one usually tries to avoid, to not even think about. The truly astounding fact is, these videos have amassed an audience of unbelievable proportion.
Does this bizarre phenomenon portend a trend? Perhaps.
Watching Others Pump Gas
The viewer gets to see what grade of gas customers use. If the viewer is so inclined, he or she can mock, either to other viewers or to self, that cheapskate who puts regular grade into his Mercedes. One also can’t help but notice if people squeegee their windshields clean (surprising how many auto-slobs there are) and if they pay by credit card or go inside and pay cash—you can bet that Mercedes cheapskate goes inside).
Watching Others Write Checks
The viewer can observe whether the person writes the check and then tears it out (if male, would probably be wearing a cardigan) or tears it out first and then writes it (open-collar sport shirt, maybe even a chain). Also, does the person fill in the memo portion of the check (for sure, mister cardigan does)? And, of course, there’s the signature: is it large and bold like, excuse the expression, Donald Trump’s? Well, we don’t have to tell you what that means, do we?
Watching Others Get Haircuts
Does the customer instruct the barber to just take a little off or does he ask him to shave it all off so that he looks like one of those neo-nazis who stroll the streets heavily armed, hellbent on “taking their country back?” If the latter is the case and the barber complies, we suggest that the viewer call their local FBI office and name names. The barber could be considered either just doing his job or an enabler: that’s the FBI’s decision, you stay out of it.
Watching Others Read Books
Sound like watching paint dry? Possibly, especially if the person is reading a Benjamin Moore catalog. However, books can tell one oodles about the reader. Let’s say you view someone reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover—watch closely and see if the reader perspires or their face reddens or one hand slowly and sensually exits frame downward. If this happens and the subject is so engrossed that they fail to turn off the camera, out of a sense of decency, turn off the video yourself. On the other hand, if you catch someone reading Mein Kampf, don’t waste your time watching this asshole, especially if he (or she) is sporting one of those aforementioned shaved heads.
Watching Others Wait For The Bus
If there’s a bench at the bus stop, and it’s full, and there is at least one man sitting there, the viewer will no doubt notice whether or not that man will give his seat to a woman, especially a pregnant woman, if one comes along, or whether he’s a disgruntled asshole whose wife took the car that morning and he resents taking the bus so much that he doesn’t even notice if the woman is pregnant. You can almost count on this douche bullying his way through the crowd to get on the bus first.
Watching Others Watch TV
Obviously one can tell a great deal about these people from what they’re watching. Especially news shows. CNN and MSNBC says one thing about them, FOX says something else. But it’s not just what’s on the screen that’s revealing, but also what’s happening on the sofa—specifically who is in charge of the remote, and what he or she is doing with it. Constantly clicking around, nervously changing channels, is not just a torturous ordeal for whoever else is on that sofa but also for you, the viewer. So, end the video.