123 Paradise Lane
Afterlife, OHIO, 00000
Dear Maker of Worlds,
Today, I met a ghost, which should have been the lighthearted cocktail of mystical fright and spooky delight but what I experienced instead was something far more sinister that shook me to my very core. I saw the awful outfit this ghost bore and enquired as to why he still chose to dress like a drunken farmer, to which he simply replied: “These are the clothes I died in.” I was furious! How disrespectful to the soon-to-be departed that not only this information was not disclosed to me until now but I had to find out like this. It made me imagine the looming threat of my afterlife when I already thought my concern over death was harrowing enough!
My wish is for you to lend an ear to my frustrations. My greater wish is that you find some way to correct these phenomena by the time I meet my own death. Knowing myself, I will most certainly have unfinished business at the time of my sudden (and certainly tragic) demise and will probably have to cross over into the spectral realm and be turned into a ghost.
Here is my main concern: What if I wear something really ugly the day I die?
Let’s say I meet my end in an accidental death on a cold wintery night when wearing a ratty pullover, baggy sweatpants, an ill-fitting scarf, and hand-me-down snow boots. That day, I prioritized warmth and health (ironically) over fashion. Am I bound for indefinite eternity in that haphazardly chosen garb? Will the outfit my descendants see me in be one I hastily put together without effort of appearance? Is that how I will be remembered by future generations?
Perhaps I die peacefully in my sleep. Would I then be doomed to console my granddaughter over her first high school breakup while wearing only an oversized T-shirt and boxer briefs?
If I tried to get in touch with any of my descendants, I wouldn’t be taken seriously if I looked like that. It’s almost impossible to be held to such a high-stakes standard of clothing! That would mean that every day and every hour I must wear the clothes in which I wish to be immortalized. That is too much to bear. I simply cannot and will not live to die like that.
This request for spectral consideration is not to be taken lightly as I know you are very busy. But I wish I conveyed the gravity of the situation and the extent of my shock. I look forward to seeing firsthand if any changes take place regarding this anguish-inducing matter during the remainder of my life.
Your Faithful (and slightly angry) Follower,