To the streamers:

For far too long we have toiled. Toiled under a capitalist system that exploits our labor, destroys the earth, and inundates us with a plethora of streaming services featuring all of our favorite movies and shows.

Streaming, which promised to free us from the chains of the cable cord, has instead shackled us. It was only a few years ago that the streamer could provide adequate entertainment for their family on a Netflix or Hulu subscription. But the capitalists owning the means of distraction have stratified content across new services and forced streamers to cough up monthly fees until we are choking ourselves just to watch the hit shows on their Disney+, their HBOMAX, their CBS All Access, and—in a shameless attempt to hold hostage the final season of Community—their Yahoo! Screen. Now we are told they mean to take our nine seasons of The Office from Netflix. We say, no more.

The Streamable Content Commune is an intentional community dedicated to subverting this oppressive system by bringing together like-minded people who share values and passwords. We ask that our members give every username/password they have to the collective so that the collective may give every username/password it has to them.

Those who own the means of distraction would like to see the streamer alienated from his comrades. Indeed, the water coolers—once fountains bursting with Chandlers and Phoebes alike—now collect dust. And in the streets, I have oft heard the wails of a desperate mother crying, “Has anybody seen Schitt's Creek? I really want to talk to someone who also watches Schitt’s Creek!” On one occasion I witnessed her lie on the ground for hours mumbling to herself about how it starts to pick up in season two before drifting off to sleep.

Our community was founded to resist this alienation. Here, the streamer does not lie alone on a bed staring at a screen for hours on end. The streamer lies on a bed with a group of thirty-plus staring at a screen for hours on end. When a beloved character dies, we cry together. When an eight-season series wraps up poorly and oddly misogynistically, we tweet-storm together. And when dawn rises and the screens are finally shut off, we meditate while a member reads from divine scripture: Emily Nussbaum’s latest think-piece.

We invite you to join our commune—our streaming utopia. Here you’ll find the prestige drama is no longer just for the prestigious. And the art that was intended to anesthetize only a select few can truly anesthetize the masses. Join us. You have nothing to lose but your chains…also your personalized recommendations are gonna get pretty weird.

Streamers of the world, unite!

Join upcoming November classes in Satire Writing, Sketch Writing, and Stand-Up Joke Writing.