Damn, is this plane ever gonna take off? Cuomo probably shut the runway down as another publicity stunt, amirite? Well, lucky for you it looks like someone left an Epoch Times in your seat pocket. It’s the only real newspaper these days, outside of maybe Newsmax and the 8kun printouts my nephew leaves out at his bait shop. You’re telling me you’ve never had an Epoch ad come up before you watch a YouTube video? Huh, I guess you’ve never online shopped for a camouflage beard trimmer. Let me scoot over to this empty seat next to you so I can give you a hand with this.

Let’s start with an easy one…. ah, 3-down: “Leader of the cult kidnapping our children and poisoning our liberties.” “Obama.” Boom, we got one on the board. What’s that? Doesn’t work? Hmmm…it could be “Soros”–sometimes they say he’s the leader. Still no? Must be “Clinton.” No? Try “Hillary.” “Killary.” “Schillary.” “Chrissy Teigen.” You know what, let’s skip it. There are too many possible facts for that one.

Ok, ok… 7-across: “Responsible for the January 6th breach of the US Capitol.” Now, this is tricky because it depends on when the puzzle was written. At first, it was “righteous patriots,” then it was “covert antifa,” and now I think they’re saying there wasn’t much of a breach in the first place. Does “false flag” fit?

Sounds like you’re mumbling something under your breath. Why don’t you take off your mask so I can hear you better? I don't mind; I don't even have one! But don't worry I've been vaccinated, metaphorically speaking. I take silver supplements like Alex Jones.

22-across: “America’s greatest threat.” Wow, so many to choose from. “Islam” or “Space Laser.” And sometimes with these, they’re just looking for a skin color. Oh, I know–try “Pence!” Hmmm… actually, we might want to use that for 56-down: “Faithful servant.” Could go either way, like those gender-neutral bathrooms. Hey, does that fit?

31-down: “Award-winning actor Kevin __.” Gotta be “Sorbo,” right? Well, no he hasn’t won any of the Hollywood awards, but I’m pretty sure he walked away with the golden tactical binoculars at least year’s Freedom Choice Awards. Could be “Kevin McCarthy,” he is acting like Trump won so I think he deserves an award for that.

42-down: “Famous spy,” five letters. Yeah, see, “Bond” doesn’t fit, does it? They’re looking for “Obama.” Why?! Son, do yourself a favor and google “Crossfire Hurricane” on Facebook.

Oh, are you turning toward the window for better light? Let me get my pocket butane torch out of my cargo shorts. Yeah, if you tell TSA it’s for your diabetes medication, they’ll let you do about anything.

Let’s keep rollin’. Oooh, 12-across: “We all live under this.” “Freedom,” baby! Hell ya! Hmmm… unless it’s “oppression.” I hear that a lot too. Shoot, it could even be “Sharia Law” now that I think about it. See what fits. Sometimes I write two letters in one box if I have to.

63-across: “Leader of the Communist Party.” That’s obviously “Obama,” and you can use that “a” for 52-down: “Mastermind of 2015 Paris terrorist attack.” I know there are a lot of potential answers here, but what they’re looking for is “Obama.” And then on 72-down: “44th President of the United States” it’s—no, not “Obama.” The paper doesn’t recognize him as constitutionally legitimate so they consider Trump the 44th and 45th president.

Oh, you’re putting in your Airpods–smart. I like to focus too. Maybe listen to some Toby Keith, the Presidential Medal of Freedom winner. It’s sort of like the Heisman for patriotism. You wanna give me a bud so we can lock in together? No? That’s fine I’ll just sing it under my breath: we'll put a boot in yer ass… I can't wear boots on account of my compression socks and planters fasciitis, but if I could I would definitely put boots in asses.

81-down: “Virus that ravaged the world in 2020.” No, there're only three letters there so it’s not COVID. They want the proper scientific name, “CCP.” You know, Chinese Communist Party. Damn, you really didn’t know that? What are they teaching outside of home schools these days? Or it could be a different kind of virus: “AOC.” Or maybe “HBL.” Are you serious?! It stands for Hunter Biden’s Laptop. Wow, read a thread sometime.

Hey, you look uncomfortable. Is my concealed carry digging into you? Wow, buddy, you’re reaching for that stewardess button like it’s giving out James Woods autographs. Relax, this isn’t meant for you… unless you’re a crisis actor? If you are, you have to tell me.

Ok, let’s rattle off some quick ones here. 37 across: “Obama.” 28 across; “Obama.” Let’s see, this one’s “Obama.” That’s “Obama.” “Obama.” “Obama.” “Mugsy Bouges.” That’s not a political question, that dude was just good.

I think you’re getting the hang of this, so why don’t you try some without me because I’m getting escorted off the plane. Guess that explains the takeoff delay. I’ll tell ya, you take two little dumps in Pelosi’s office and suddenly you don’t have liberty? So much for Biden’s unity, am I right? Hey, do me a favor and look in the classifieds to see if Guiliani still has his ad for pardons.


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