Can someone please help me? I was just innocently scrolling through my Instagram feed when all of a sudden I got captured by a vicious thirst trap, and now I’m stuck.

All I wanted to do was comment “WOW” on this girl’s photo.

Sure, I only met her once, and sure, she posted a picture of her and her grandma, but did you see her tits?

And she must have been asking for it, I mean, who wears a tank top in 95 degree weather unless they really want to capture the attention of innocent, thirsty men?

And it’s not like I was going to comment “nice tits” or anything, just a simple, innocent “WOW.” I mean, I could have been wow-ing her grandma for all she knows. I do think it’s incredible when old people have hot granddaughters. The magic of life!

But anyway, as I went to comment on this photo, I fell into a thirst trap, and now I can’t get out. I’m stuck down here, and it’s just me and a LOT of Gatorade. There are a lot of rocks down here, how will I sleep without my pillows? I feel like I'm under the bed with monsters. What if I AM the monster under the bed??

No, that can't be, I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't deserve this, I was only a teensy tiny bit thirsty. Not thirsty enough to drink a lifetime’s supply of Gatorade.

Can you send help?

Oh, wait, I think I found a door! Hopefully this will lead to the exit.

Great news: there are a lot of other people on other side of the door, I think I found civilization!

Oh, nevermind, it’s all dudes. They’re stuck in the thirst trap too.


What are you doing– ok, you know what, I don’t need to know.

It was Clara Robertson’s picture? Like, Clara Robertson my old classmate. Ew, Dad, why do you even follow her on Instagram?

Anyway, do you know how to get out of here? Have you been here before?

Yes! I think I can see sunlight! Someone is coming to rescue me from this thirst trap!! Wow, is that– is that Jared Fogle? Hey, Jared. This is community service you have to do in jail? You dig us an exit from the thirst trap. Well, I’m glad, you’re, um, giving back?

Oh man, it’s so nice to be out in the light of day again. That was scary, getting stuck in a thirst trap like that. I’ve learned my lesson– I’m never making an inappropriate comment on a girl’s instagram again!

Holy shit — do you see Clara Robertson’s ass in this picture? Ok, is it ok if I just like it but don’t comment? I don’t want her to think I’m ignoring her. Maybe I’ll just write “nice pic” but nothing about her ass–AHHH I FELL IN AGAIN.