Hi, I’m Toby. I’ve been given two weeks to live. Then I’ll be forced to find a job by Mom.
At first, I thought she was joking, but then I remembered she worked two jobs, and neither of them was particularly funny. To make things even more serious, she took my allowance away. An allowance I’m completely entitled to have to live my life to the fullest, within the confines of our house.
That’s why I’m asking you—the public—to help!
First, an intro. That’s me wearing the torn NASA t-shirt on my favorite couch. I uploaded this photo to show I’m a typical 39-year-old guy living in his Mom’s garage. And to also show you how much I loved my couch. I’m not trying to start this off with something sad, but Mom got rid of it while I was having my daily nap, which I take in her room while she’s at work. She can be so cruel sometimes.
I’ve been at Mom’s since I graduated from the University of Texas at San Antonio and finished my internship at Microsoft. Both were horrible. I never knew institutions were so passionate about shoving knowledge down your throat. And to think Mom’s life savings helped pay for tuition and a new Ford Fiesta. If only she had saved it for other important things, like replacing my couch.
I haven’t really lived since I moved in.
I’ve spent the last two years writing and focusing too much on my novel. I won’t bore you with the details, but it’s a fantasy about a young man who finds love. Wait, no. It’s a thriller about a young man that finds a body. Something like that. I’m still working through it. If I wasn’t so passionate about researching story structures by binge-watching shows and movies, I would have probably finished the first chapter outline by now.
With your donations, I hope I can also do some other things, like traveling. And not just to my local Sharper Image to get a massage. Actual traveling. Like visiting my long-distance ex five blocks away. Or going to the nearest town and checking out their Sharper Image.
Maybe with your help, I could also finally become an influencer. It’s something I’ve been thinking about in the last hour or so. I’d try different things from a Panera menu, or something. Then, when the two weeks are over, I could hopefully influence Mom to keep my allowance.
I also would like to meet new people. I’m not sure how I’ll do this, but with your money, I hope I can befriend lots of people at the bar by paying for their drinks and unlimited peanuts. Friends are easier to make when you have money.
Finally, and most importantly, I want to get out of my comfort zone and purchase a new couch. It’s going to be hard to replace my favorite, but at least I’ll have two weeks of living comfortably before I’m forced to sit in a stiff office chair.
What will you get out of it? Not sure right now. But I guess you'll see it in your taxes or something when I get a job and convince Mom to help pay for my lunches.
Some people say that a $5,000 target is ambitious. But I think a $10,000 is even more ambitious. Call me a dreamer.
Please give what you can.
Also, I’d be grateful if you didn’t mention this to Mom. I will tell her when the time is right, which I will privately determine.