“Screaming At The Sun”
Undoubtedly a continuation of the Dada movement for the modern age, “Screaming At The Sun” was so avant-garde, so groundbreaking, and just SO RANDOM xD. This page gamely matched your sense of humor, which had never been sharper thanks to the ever-changing wall of graphic tees at your local Hot Topic. You had taken to writing “<3” on your hands and My Chemical Romance lyrics on your high-top Converse. You colored your hair with Sharpies because your mother wouldn’t let you use real dye.
If Frankie from 7th period bio hadn’t noticed you before, he certainly would now. And he would finally realize that you weren’t like other girls, you were a girl who would maybe (but probably not, because you hated getting in trouble with adults) scream at the life-giving star in the sky while in the parking lot at the mall just to showcase how WEIRD you were and how HYPER that single sip of Monster had made you.
Page Stats: 6.3K likes. Frankie ended up dating Kelly Mangano for six months anyway.
“Hangin’ With Friends”
It was so important to list your interests! How else would anyone know you, really truly know you if you were not upfront about what made you tick and what made you, you? Every man is an island, but he didn’t have to be thanks to pages like this. You liked this page when you first created your Facebook account just in case anyone mistook you for a friendless loser who had never and would never hang with anyone. Liking this page proved your own likeability. “She hangs with friends? I simply must know more!” was the general vibe you were going for, and “Hangin’ With Friends” hit the nail on the head with taste, style, and class. All that was left to do was sit back and watch as the friend requests rolled in. The hangs were bound to follow.
Page Stats: 25K likes. You ultimately garnered only one new request in the wake of hitting LIKE and it was clearly a man in his 60’s whose entire friend list was 47 people—all of whom were young girls that looked unsettlingly similar in both appearance and age. C’est la vie.
“WHY DO DOGS SNEEZE WHEN THEY’RE UPSIDE DOWN?!”
You chuckled knowingly at this one back in 2008 because finally, one of life’s greatest mysteries was being pondered on social media and not just by you alone. The question had been asked; the gauntlet had been thrown: why do dogs sneeze when they’re upside down? You and your fellow deep thinkers of the world were desperate for the truth so you liked this page in the hopes of learning more about the biology of man’s best friend and certainly not simply because this page was there and it was something to do on a particularly boring Friday night.
Ultimately, “WHY DO DOGS SNEEZE WHEN THEY’RE UPSIDE DOWN?!” never had any updates except for one rogue post on December 27th, 2009 that asked, “Has anyone seen Avatar yet???”
Page Stats: 2.5K likes. Most of them are now abandoned profiles.
“Admit It: You Are TERRIFIED of Canadian Geese!!!”
Franklin Delano Roosevelt famously said that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Which leads one to believe that FDR never actually came in contact with one of these honking sacks of shit. You liked this page in August of 2010 in a desire to be more open and honest about how much Canada’s least friendly export had traumatized you in the past.
After all, you’d come such a long way since the infamous Hiss and Chase of 2002.
And it was rare for a page to speak so clearly about such a universal truth. Canada Geese were and still are, terrible, and here was a public Facebook page with a poorly edited profile picture featuring a Comic Sans overlay to prove it! You felt like a rockstar for about three days because your brave admission snowballed into a movement that led countless others from the class of 2011 to like the page in solidarity.
Page Stats: 10K likes. A perfect contender to have the haunting choir cover of “Creep” from The Social Network trailer play over footage of people clicking “LIKE.”
Lest anyone mistake you for an immature child, you liked the page honoring the late, great Audrey Hepburn so everyone could see and understand once and for all that you were born in the wrong decade. Who could forget timeless classics like Breakfast at Tiffany’s and all those other movies Hepburn had probably been in. You’d get around to watching them eventually, but for now you were too busy not fully grasping the severity of Mickey Rooney’s overtly racist yellowface. Audrey was a true icon and you just couldn’t relate to the Megan Fox’s of the world. You may have only been 15 but your grandmother did always call you an “old soul” and this is exactly what she meant.
Page Stats: 200K likes. Other pages for you to unlike ASAP in the wake of this one include: “Purple Drank and Sizzurp,” “500 Days of Summer,” and “I Wish I Had Been Alive in the 1960s.”