Trains! Trains! Trains!

All aboard! The C train is here to whisk you away to your memorable third birthday party! The party starts at 2 PM, but could start as late as 2:16 due to a cup that has caught fire on the track. Be amazed by live entertainment featuring paint bucket drums, break-dancers, and mariachi hits! Squish together real tight with your friends as you approach a busy station, and join in solving a real-life mystery when you realize the train is running on the express 5 track. Party favors include an “If you see something, say something” sticker and a half-full bottle of Snapple that has been rolling around the floor for at least three days.

Cats and Kitties!

Get ready for the purrrrfect birthday party this Caturday! The party starts at 6 AM with a group sing-a-long featuring some of your favorite songs like “Meow Meow Meow, Give Me Breakfast” and “Yowling like I’m in intense pain but I’m really just trying to say hello.” Dig into a delicious meal of wet meat, followed by 20 minutes of looking longingly at the pile of unopened cans of wet meat in the corner of the room. Join your friends for an extremely intense game of tag, where your target is an unattainable point of light! Top off the party with a four-hour-long nap.

Astronauts!

3…2…1… Blastoff! Get ready for a birthday party that is out of this world! Start off the party with lessons in aviation, engineering, biochemistry, statistics, computer science, aircraft maintenance, and Russian before going through a series of physical exams to make sure you are ready for take-off. Play dress-up in space suits with your friends and pretend to host a press conference where you talk about how small the earth looks from space. The party ends early when NASA loses funding for its manned space program, but they make it up to you by letting you take home an extra package of space ice cream.

Pirates!

Ahoy matey! Grab your eye patch and get ready to have a jolly (roger) old time! The party starts at 10, but to find the location, you’ll need to follow an elaborate set of directions by deciphering poorly drawn topographies, counting out very precise numbers of paces, and answering dead men’s riddles. If you make it, get ready to get crafty! Use paper towel tubes to make your very own monocular, and spend the next hour silently staring off into the distance hoping to spot a nearby island! Snacks include lemons to help stave off scurvy and crackers for all the parrots in attendance.

I dig, dig, dig… Construction!

Put on your hard hat, don your orange vest, and get ready to celebrate turning four by being the FOURman of your celebration! The party starts at 7:30 AM sharp, which may seem early to some, but to others, is a perfectly reasonable time to be awake and getting things done! Start with music time, but ditch the egg shakers and grab some jackhammers. Make your own art project by using orange cones and caution tape to block off major traffic thru-ways, and take a union-endorsed nap in the middle of the party. The invitation says the party is only a few hours long, but it actually lasts for five months.

Frozen!

Join your friends for three hours in a walk-in refrigerator! Chaperones will be relieved that this is the birthday party concept and that they won’t, in fact, have to listen to “Let It Go” one more time.


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