Gravy. It’s something Midwestern American humans and greasy roadside diner menus cannot survive without. Everyone knows this. But what everyone doesn’t know are the literally tens of other uses for gravy and gravy by-products. There’s more to gravy than meats the eye.
Perhaps one of gravy’s finest qualities is the vast array of flavors, meeting the needs of any meal, workout, or home improvement project. Just to name a few, there’s chicken, beef, turkey, country, brown, bacon, rainbow trout, mushroom, yellow, vegetable, fruit, onion, and hot dog. There are many others and as the wildly popular saying goes, “If you can meat it, you can gravy it!”
Gravy Makes Everything Better
Gravy is most traditionally used as a flavorful topping for potatoes, which are disgusting when eaten plain. An unadorned potato is much like a blank piece of paper, until somebody covers that paper with gravy. Then it’s full-speed ahead to flavortown!
Look, we know you’re second-guessing your decision to buy those 72 packages of pasta and 120 pounds of rice. It was regrettable and irrational. Perhaps knocking over that small child and running over that lady’s foot with your cart in order to snag the last box of fusilli was taking things two steps too far. One day you’ll look back on all of this and chuckle. But not today. Today, everyone in your family needs to eat at least 6 bowls of rice in order to stay on pace to finish your stockpile by the end of the decade. Gravy is here to help.
Other foods benefitting from a generous layer of gravy include most melons, pudding, legumes, popcorn, ice cream, chilled salads, pancakes, and soups. And don’t be shy about putting gravy on gravy!
Basically, if you’re wondering what to stock up on next, gravy is your answer.
Super-Charge Your Plants
Besides all those things, guess who else loves to be smothered in gravy? HOUSEPLANTS! Succulents, violets, bromeliads, fiddle leaf figs, and ferns all appreciate a heavy dousing of gravy. You’ll never need to purchase environment-destroying, cancer-causing fertilizers again!
During this time of uncertainty and the realization that our food systems are generally pretty messed up, it’s more important than ever to get back to basics. One option is to grow your own food from seed. Yes, please consider the tried and true method of starting those seeds in nutrient-dense soil. But if you’re having difficulty locating any, try dropping some seeds into a small bowl of gravy. This is essentially hydroponics, but more flavorful!
Gravy-fy Your Workouts
I bet you never thought of filling your water bottle with gravy to fuel your next powerlifting session. You should! What about some concentrated gravy gels to get you through your next marathon? Try it!
The newest gravy trend sweeping the nation is the use of gravy as a water-enhancer among elite athletes. Strenuous activities cause an athlete to perspire, leading to a serious depletion of sodium levels. Those levels can quickly be restored by adding a powdered flavor packet of gravy to a water bottle. A single pack of gravy contains the optimal levels of electrolytes, carbs, sodium, corn syrup solids, hydrolyzed soy, glyphosate, disodium inosinate, GMOs, and natural flavor. All with zero added sugars! Crush those PRs with a turbo gravy boost!
So the next time you’re doing anything, seriously anything, whether it be washing the car, making dinner, mowing the lawn, squatting some heavy weights, or playing in the big game, keep a shaker bottle of gravy close at hand. Don’t be afraid to try substituting gravy for your usual hair product, especially if your wish is to be friends with more dogs.
The possibilities are limitless, so start thinking outside the box, and inside the gravy boat. The results just might surprise you!
* Sponsored by the National Association of Associated Gravy Producers of America Associates *