First meeting with Kermit, a 65 y.o. frog, presenting with 63 y.o. porcine companion (spouse?) Piggy. Currently separated. P lives in Paris, France; K in undisclosed Mississippi swamp.

Specific nature of relationship source of some contention. P claimed numerous engagements and marriages over the past four decades, while K brushed all of this off as a “sham.” Despite ambivalence around romantic timeline, both parties alluded to an amicable yet public breakup in 2015 and a covert reconciliation the following year.

K referenced depressive episodes, cited cause as “being green.” Has been medicated with SSRIs. Called P “delusional,” but also described their emotional connection as “multi-colored.” P, referring to herself in French, oscillated between rage and aggressive affection. Was forthcoming about fears of abandonment. Lapsed into baby talk. Complained of unmet sexual needs. K rolled eyes at this, produced banjo.

I asked the couple: what kind of work can we do together? K expressed interest in exploring consensual nonmonogamy. P reacted unfavorably. Attempted to hurl K through air with karate chop. I recommended weekly sessions.

Weekly 1 hr session with Gonzo and Camilla. C is a 44 y.o. Rhode Island Red hen, G self-identifies as a 53 y.o. Whatever.

G was 8 minutes late to meeting, claiming to have been stuck inside the barrel of a cannon. I began by following up on last week’s session in which we discussed ways to balance G’s erotic demands with C’s lack of desire. Had they been intimate? G reported that after last week’s conversation they experimented with sexual role reversal. He initiated. Feathers were involved. C reported feeling “fetishized,” says she feels G sees her as “poultry, not a partner.” C also confessed a long-standing aversion to G’s nose. G clearly hurt by this. Nose comment triggered discussion about G’s identity crisis, lack of parents, and confused understanding of origin. C spent rest of session brooding.

First phone session with Statler and Waldorf.

Both refused to give age, but insisted the other one was older. Reported having lived together in a theater balcony for decades. When asked about their goals, S described his last appointment at the dermatologist. W criticized him for not replacing the battery in his hearing aid. Uproarious laughter. Line went dead.

Final session with Ernie and Bert, both 48 y.o. males.

I began by acknowledging the progress the couple has made over the past seven years; invited them to reflect on this work. B stated most meaningful accomplishment for him has been learning to reconcile differences in communication style, direction of shirt stripes, and head shape. E noted an increase in trust and independence.

Recent developments: at E’s request, B plucked his eyebrow into two separate lines. E visibly pleased, says this allows B to express more nuanced emotions.

Since previous session, B and E have terminated relationship with their third, Rubber Duckie. E reported that finally ending things with RD has led to “great adventure” in his and B’s erotic life. Inspiring tenderness exhibited. The couple has been experimenting, to varying degrees of success, with sleeping in the same bed.