Dear Esteemed Customer,
We regret to inform you that we will be suspending your streaming access to the cult series, Gilmore Girls, effective immediately. As we pride ourselves in offering a plethora of nostalgic classics spanning more than six seasons for a specifically burned out and depressed millennial audience, we have become increasingly concerned after a deep dive into your account.
In an effort to give you the benefit of the doubt, we compiled a Gilmore Girls Crisis Intervention Special Projects Team tasked to perform a full investigative report into the timing overlap of your Gilmore Girls viewing history and internet browser history. Our team’s final report was determined to be cautionary of many red flags and we felt action was needed for your overall well-being. We understand this might come as a shock, but we are willing to share some of the most disturbing highlights from their final report to provide you with what we think might be some much-needed closure.
Our records show that after you watched the scene where Rory and Dean break up because of her inability to say “I love you” back after he presents her with a car he built for her 16th birthday, you googled, “Is it possible to avoid emotional intimacy with my partner from the lack of affection I received from mother who rewarded my achievements with desserts instead of properly communicating the basic emotions I so direly craved?” While the special projects team noted this overlap as a bit of a stretch and made a suggestion to our executive team to consider adding in sooner “Are you still watching?” alerts, we do understand the potential of mother-daughter relationship dynamics at play and how previous trauma might have been triggered.
Following the episode where Lorelai says her summer goodbyes to Luke after Rory’s Chilton graduation ceremony and her dream self tells him not to get married to then girlfriend, Nicole the lawyer, you went on a bit of a spiral and googled, “Why am I only attracted to avoidant preoccupied types who I plan hypothetical vacations with as a pastime and then they get very quiet when I send them options for AirBnbs?” to “Where to watch Titanic for free?” The special projects team found this thought process to be, what we will summarize as perplexing, and it was then that the status of this project was moved from what we had hoped to be temporary to ongoing.
Mid-way through the episode where Rory faces her fears with Logan and jumps from a platform dressed in a ballgown during a Life or Death Brigade secret society stunt she is reporting on, we noticed that you googled, “Are my panic attacks rooted from a fear of failure or do I become so overwhelmed with the thought of perfection that a tornado of every human emotion sweeps me literally off my feet to the point that I faint?” The special projects team noted that this question might be better suited for a medical professional rather than the Reddit threads you scrolled through ranging from anxiety disorders to Helen Hunt’s best lines in Twister.
We saw that in November of 2020, you had completed the entire series, including the seasonally based four-part reboot, for the third time in the year. Although this third-time-through was completed in a fascinating timeframe of ten days, which is not terrible cause of concern for our typical Gilmore Girls viewer, it was your google search following the final episode of, “Are mindfulness exercises good for when you find yourself in the same types of long term relationships that continually end with those been there, done that types of feelings and you can not understand why you keep repeating unhealthy patterns?” that made our special projects team come to the conclusion it would be in your best interest to halt any other viewings of this show for your foreseeable future.
Netflix, with support from The Gilmore Girls Crisis Intervention Special Projects Team