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Sports Quotes
Nothing stirs up emotions quite like athletics. Of course, it could be anything from blind anger to complete confusion.
Submit your quotes here!
Frank: The fuck? One of my players is named Mao Jing Dong.
Giles: Fuck, he's fast. Seems like he's on a five-year plan.
Frank: He's just trying to take a Great Leap Forward for his team.
Giles: Ha, it's funny because people died.
-On sporting Communist agendas
"I'll be honest. Then and even now, I still feel like kicking that guy's ass. I don't care that he plays rugby... I play cowboy."
-Joe, taking matters West
Giles: If you were a sociologist, you could probably write a paper on the homoeroticism of football commentary.
Commentator: "Here, the defense penetrated up the middle and Vince Young had to get rid of it fast. It's the worst kind of pressure to deal with, fast and up the middle."
Frank: Yeah, I totally see it.
-On academic end-arounds
"It really wouldn't have been that bad, except that the giant sack of balls were bouncing against my ass the entire time."
-Dave, on why it sucks to be a caddy
Adam: Wow! She just got fisted on that one!
Cham: And yet she still continues to stand up there.
Adam: What a trooper. I know I'd still be sore...
Cham: I would feel it for a few days when it happened to me.
-An exchange from a college softball radio broadcast
Jon: God, I wish we had a class where we could just play sports all day.
Sean: Or, you know, you could just take a fucking gym class.
Jon: Hey, you're right!
-On no shame in revelations
"I like him, he fisted me."
-Dorisa, after her coach gave her props
"Why do people even watch the high jump? You know the ending…they fall."
-Henri, on the downside to (track and) field
"I am so good at geography. I can tell you where to hit the ball, how hard, and where it's going to go. I'm the fucking geography queen!"
-Aly, attempting to describe her billiards angle skills
"What the hell!? Baylor is picked to finish first in the Big 12 South?! What the..... oh wait, it's in alphabetical order. Whew, for a second there I thought the world was ending, and I'm not ready for that. I haven't even hooked up with a blonde chick yet!"
-Joe, on preseason catastrophes
Lindsey: That handicapped shower's retarded!
Amelia: Uh, isn't that the point?
-In the locker room after a soccer game
"Hold your pole up, run fast, aim it at the box, plant hard and hold on for the ride."
-Kari's pole vault coach, making it simple
Woody: I'm not playing next year because I am too good for this school.
Neil: Woody, you're not playing next year because your GPA is lower than my blood-alcohol content.
-On under-qualifications
Joel: Can we get some ping pong equipment?
Rec employee (as 3 hot girls walk up): Here you go.
Dallas: Ping pong?! We said weight belts!!
-On last second adjustments
