Sports Quotes

Aaron: Dude, I don't even understand how you guys play this game. I don't watch football, I just watch hockey.
Frank: It's OK Aaron, all you need to know about football is that Tom Brady is the best quarterback ever. 50 touchdown passes in one season? That's just awesome.
Derek: How hard do you ride his cock?
Frank: I'm gonna have to admit, if I was gay or a girl, I'd totally do Tom Brady.
-Showing love during Madden

"Oh god, I think that junkball just hit me in the junk and balls."
-Dustin, after being hit in the croutch with an inaccurately-thrown knuckleball

Jon: You know what? I hate the Colts. The only play in their playbook is the turnover. They turn the ball over on their own 30 yard line and see if they can capitalize on that.
Frank: Dude, maybe you just suck at Madden.
-On the root of the problem

Frank: Matt, throw me the football! TOUCHDOWN PATRIOTS!
Matt: Frank, you just ruined football for me.
Frank: No dude, what'll ruin football for you is a WNFL.
Matt: Yeah, you're right.
-On true sports downers

Alan: So we are still on for that dodgeball tournament Thursday?
Ryan: Yeah. My brother's wife is gonna have a C-section that day though so I might miss that.
Alan: Aw crap.
Ryan: No...I'll be there for dodgeball. I might miss the birth of the baby. I mean I missed the first one. Missing this one won't hurt, right?
-On throws over hoes

Frank: ...It's something girls will just never understand. Like football.
Martha: I'm from Wisconsin, I know football.
Frank: Oh, what's your favorite team.
Martha: The Packers.
Frank: Brett Favre retired. They retired his number with him too.
Martha: WHAT! Brett Favre's gone? I love Brett Favre.
-Where in Wisconsin, again?

Frank: The ball is placed there because that's where his knees went down. When the knees hit the ground, the play is over and the refs spot the ball from there.
Wendy: Can't you surgically remove your knees so that the play is never over?
-On medical loopholes

Wendy: Why are they shouting like that?
Frank: Because they're about to the play the Packers, the first team to win a Super Bowl and the first team to win two Super Bowls in a row.
Wendy: What's a Super Bowl?
-On giant soup containers

"I want a shirt for the gym that says something like 'I'll eat you.'"
-Amanda, bringing the heat

"The only reason the Canadian Football League is not as good as the NFL is because the CFL players have much bigger cajones which slow them down so they can't run as fast."
-Steve, lugging around his football patriotism