Drinking and Partying Quotes

Russ: The mountain lion is tapping my head!
Zach: Why would a mountain lion want to tap your head?
Russ: Because he wants to EAT ME, MAN!
-Drunk while camping

"I shouldn't have to deal with this without alcohol!"
-Meghann, upon receiving bad news

"Dude, your damn phone doesn't work!!"
-PJ, drunk dialing the pizza place from a calculator

"Hey, that's okay. I always judge how drunk I am by how much I have spilled on my rack."
-Sarah, attempting to bong her fifth beer in the bathroom

Kyna: The room is spinning!
Amber: No honey, it's not.
Kyna: Well my fucking half is!!
-On the invisible tea cup ride

Brian: Man, I can't go over there again, I've got a test tomorrow at 9:30 a.m.
Peter: You can always retake a class, but you can't relive a party.
-On one-time opportunities

Mollie: I can't stand that shit! How can you drink that?
Jessica: Don't talk that way in front of the tequila!
-On showing better manners

RA: If I didn't see it, it didn't happen.
Joel: So basically it's like if a tree falls in the middle of the forest, and no one's around, is it still drunk?
-At a dorm floor meeting

"I am not drunk, I slimpy slowed and somebody stoppled."
-Bren, proving his mastery of drunken alliteration

Joe: Quick... pick a number between 1 and 5.
Rachael: 7!!
Joe: Fuckin' just drink the whole thing.
-On unwritten rules during a drinking game

"It's okay...it's not mine."
-Ben, passed out in a puddle of piss on the couch

"I'm glad I can entertain you guys tonight, and it's not 'cause I'm funny lookin', it's 'cause I'm stupid."
-Ed, drunkenly admitting things

Friend's Dad: Chad, were you drinking here last night?
Chad: That's like, your opinion, man.
-After passing out in the middle of the doorway the night before

Stampy: Ahhh...dude, you feel that?
Jimbo: Feel what?
Stampy: My blood's gettin' thick. Better drink some more.
-On the universal blood thinner

Paul: So my brother wants your help. Can I give him your number?
Joe: For?
Paul: Well, he's my best man ya know, and he's gotta plan the bachelor party, but he's going to be pretty busy and needs help with it. He figured you were the right guy for the job.
Joe: You know it. Wait, isn't he going to be a priest?
Paul: Yes.
Joe: Okay, I can do it. Just tell him to call a couple of his priest buddies, 'cause if I'm runnin the show we'll all need confession the next morning.
-On religious attention to detail