Drinking and Partying Quotes

Frank: Holy shit, this is the first time I see a proper application of a mathematic concept in real life. Take this party for example. The entry is $15 and it's all you can drink. So your first beer costs $15 but each subsequent beer you drink brings the cost down until you reach an asymptote where it becomes virtually zero but not quite.
Nick (engineering student): I'm surprised you're in English Lit and you understand what an asymptote is.
-On saving by drinking

"Drink the shoe polish and shut up!"
-Hunter, feeding the drunken frenzy

Michelle: God is coming, I don't care what the fuck you say! He'll be here and he'll cut your penis off for being such an asshole!
Jman: Sure he's on his way. He's got a big head, long neck, shows up in a spaceship. That's okay, I'm an organ donor, he can have my penis for science.
-On drunken apocalypse conversation

"Man, now I have to suck the bull's ass."
-Nick, after dropping his Red Bull and busting a hole in the bottom

"Wow, dude I really, really didn't think that was going to happen."
-O'Boyle, after punching a mirror in a bar and breaking it

"Who wants to fish bowl my car?"
-Shawn, after waking up drunk with his own vomit all over him

Meghan: Aerial what's the number one party rule?
Aerial: Walk in, Fuck shit up, Walk out.
-On the correct way to party

"You're kidding, right? That's like going hunting without bullets and telling me to have fun just aiming at stuff."
-Morgan, on non-alcoholic beer

Dan: Frank, can you turn these two girls into great chuggers?
Frank: Yeah, I think I can. I could probably do a beer chugging workshop.
Paul: When your nickname's Frank the Tank, I think you're qualified to teach how to chug.
Frank: It's really mind over matter. It hurts. Get over it. Same with anal, ladies.
-On advancing female liquidity

Heff: Is she hot?
Drew: She's probably a 5- or 6-beerer.
Heff: 5 beers before you'd do her? That's pretty bad.
Drew: But I have a high tolerance...so that's good for her I guess.
-Grading women on a curve

Professor: Interesting point. If in this dystopian novel those in power have the ability to brainwash others, does this mean humans can brainwash themselves? And how?
Frank: Yes. Constantly lying to yourself and consuming copious amounts of alcohol. Speaking from personal experience here.
-On the power of the everyday

"I have a penis!!!"
-Jen, plastered and humping guys on the dance floor

Frank: I cracked my personal beer chugging time last night.
Giles: That's great.
Frank: Yeah, 1.68 seconds.
Giles: Wow, that is so interesting. Please, tell me more.
Frank: Dude, our boat race team was amazing. We had a girl who was 3.43. That's better than some guys I know. Wait, what's your beer chug time?
Giles: I don't have one.
Frank: Wait what? I thought you go to the office every year, they time you, and it's up there on your transcript.

Twyla: Dude the creature!
Pam: WTF are you talking about?
Twyla: I see a creature...and it looks like a turkey, a porcupine, and a peacock.
Pam: Uhh, okay.
Twyla: It's a freakin TURCORCOCK!
Pam: God you drank too much.

"I'll wipe tomorrow."
-Kevin, reappearing at a party after taking a dump wasted