Drinking and Partying Quotes

In social settings where alcohol, sex, and other party favors are readily available, the quotes flow like wine. Please talk responsibly. Submit your quotes »

"I think I got scoliosis of the liver."
-Dustin, while passing out in the floor

Gardner-Webb University

Kent: Joe... why the hell aren't you wearing any pants?!?
Joe: BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BE REF IN PANTS, STUPID!
-Joe, hammered, reffing a drunken wrestling match

Bowling Green State University

"Why is it that all the fun happens 10 minutes after I leave? It's like the fucking fun mobile is waiting for you 10 blocks down the road and is watching for you to step out the door. When you leave the party the fun mobile flies down the block and 10 naked strippers pop out."
-Dane, realizing he left the party before the strippers arrived and pleasured everyone

Northwestern University

Hilary: We'll discuss this when we're sober.
Pete: I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING TALK TO YOU WHEN WE'RE SOBER!
-During a drunken argument

SUNY at Stony Brook

"Let's drink until we get Tourette's!"
-Oli, on his ambitions for the night ahead

Maine College of Art

"If something ever comes out of my nose when I'm laughing, I hope it's alcohol so I can save it."
-Ash, on snot collectibles

Southwestern University

"Dude, if the cutest thing over there has a penis, then I'm fucking going home."
-Ron, hunting for girls at a party

Dominican College

"C'mon, we're getting out of here."
-Colin, talking to his case of beer on the way out of a party

University of Kansas

"It's hard for me to trust people who don't like beer."
-Park, on liquid trust building

University of Idaho

"Flush...flush...I'm going down...flush!"
-Neal, warning his friend to flush as his face slowly fell into the toilet full of puke

Saint Mary's College of Maryland

"WOW! What a looker! I wonder what's going on in his head, cause it's obviously NOT hair!"
-Chari, shouting to her roommates about a bald guy at a party

California State University - Northridge

Rob: I thought everyone was going to the Dog's Bullocks?
Kyle: Well, no one's leaving yet.
Rob: Guess we'll have to pull the fire alarm to get everyone out. Why do we have to be the responsible ones all the time?
-On sparking a movement

Other

Dave (emerging from his room): What time is it?
Oli: 12.
Dave: ...which 12?
-After a big night out

Other

"I have to pee so bad it feels like I'm gonna give birth to a urine-child."
-Ali, breaking the seal

University of Alabama

Cali: (From the trash can) I just wrote a song!
Joe: What?
Cali: (sitting up) I just wrote a song, want to hear it?
Joe: Absolutely.
Cali: Okay. Trash can bucket.... beside my head.... you are my best friend.... you are my best friend.
Joe: (laughing) That is the greatest song of all time.
Cali: That's important. You are my best friend. You have to repeat that, that's important.

Germanna Community College
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