Drinking and Partying Quotes

Austin: So I'm an enabler because I brought a 6-pack to a hockey night for anyone to drink?
Matt: No, you're an enabler because you told me if I chugged that 40, you'd buy me another one.
Austin: That's not enabling, it's a personal challenge.
-Redefining the alcoholic reward system

Kristain: It's 11am on a Wednesday. Why are you buying a 5 liter box of wine?
Bee: I don't understand the question.
-Thinking inside the box

Frank: Yeah, the doctor said there wasn't anything huge wrong with me. He just advised me to not drink as much next time.
Lucas: Were you like, "No worries dude, I'm Frank the Tank?"
Frank: No, I know when to learn my lessons. When you puke blood at 4am and your roommate and dormmate drags you to the ER, it's time to learn your lesson.
-On what to forget next weekend

Joe: I'm tellin ya cuz, I think I may be growin' up.
Maria: Aren't you drunk right now?
Joe: Not quite. Workin' on it. But hey, I spent the last four days having a total of 4 beers. And I went to the bar last night and just drank water!
Maria: Damn, I'm glad I was already sitting down. So aren't you goin' to the bar again tomorrow?
Joe: Yeah.
Maria: And?
Joe: Oh I'm gettin' smashed.
-On all the growing up one man can handle

Frank: Sweet, I'll drink to that.
Joe: Formula for what Franklin will drink to: let X be anything.
Frank: No, I won't drink to indie music. Or girl sports. Or girl drinks. Or the Detroit Lions. Oh wait, I have that covered under girl sports.
-On algebraic near certainty

Doctor: So, tell me why you're here today.
Frank: There was blood in my vomit early Sunday morning.
Doctor: What did you consume beforehand?
Frank: I had about 2 liters of beer, 2 gin and tonics, 2 stingers, a glass of scotch, 2 shots of tequila, and a shot of Jameson. Then me and my friends went to a restaurant and I had seafood alfredo.
Doctor: Wow, that is a lot. I'm surprised you remembered.
-On self-diagnoses

Andy: Guys, I might be moving to Canada.
Mike: What?! Are you fuckin' serious right now?!
Andy: Yeah it sucks but at least the drinking age is 19.
Mike: Fuck that dude, you have your entire life ahead of you to drink, so stay here and keep drinking with us!
-On downward mobility

Matt: You know doing drugs kills brain cells?
Korryn: It did does that?
-Digging a deeper hole

Disneyland Cashier: Do you like Jack?
Frank: Jack Daniel? Love him.
Disneyland Cashier: No, Jack Skellington.
Frank: Never heard of him.
-On competing interests

"I'm part Scottish so let me tell you something about the Scots. We do our drinking when we're alive so we don't have to worry about it in the afterlife."
-Steve, justifying his inebriation

Sarah: You sprained your left ankle last weekend. Why are you favoring that leg?
Bee: Because when I fell last night I took all the skin off my right knee and it hurts to keep it straight.
Sarah: You're not allowed to wear heels when you've been drinking.
-On what every woman knows but can't bring themselves to do

Brooke: I wasn't drunk, just buzzed!
Colin: If I remember correctly, you were stumbling over my couches and taking straight pulls of tequila from the bottle, repeating "it's okay, everything tastes like water now!"
Brooke: Exactly, just buzzed!
-A hangover, by any other name...

"Dude! There's a little green guy surfing every single red blood cell yelling LET'S PARTY!"
-Random drunk and/or high guy overheard at a party

Tom: You're nothing but a glorified open plumbing bucket.
Kevin: Yeah you fucking fecalfeliac.
-Drunk and insulting the toilet

Joe: I don't care if its disgusting, we should be buying Korski vodka, it's made in Cleveland.
Fletch: So?
Joe: We should help stimulate the Cleveland economy.
Fletch: The only thing I care about stimulating right now is my penis.
-On economics lessons down the pipe