Snob Series Away Messages

Funny Away Messages >> Snob Series

<<<< Click the notepad to use an away message

Away. (But if I was as big as you, I'd probably give myself a weigh.)

Remember the time I told you you were cool? That was opposite day.

Hello, welcome to my away message, how may I ignore you today?

I've made a few changes here lately. If I don't respond to you later then you're probably one of them.

When life gives me lemons, I make lemonade. When AIM gives me messages from %n, my away message is here to make them stop.

If I had a dollar for every time somebody said that to me I would only have a dollar because that's the stupidest shit I've ever heard.

I'm just sitting here like a loser, looking at other people's away messages. Oh wait...that's you!

I may be fat, but you're ugly. And I can diet.

Don't look here, the joke is in between your legs.

Special Collection: "Your Mom" Away Messages

Me + %n's mom - the condom = %n. That's right, who's your daddy, bitch.

It's %t, do you know where your mom is? Ask me for details...

Doing something else! I believe you call her "mom."

Hey everyone, just thought you should know about this: http://%n.has-a-small-penis.com. %n is a disgrace to any buddy list, and if you have his screenname on yours, I would suggest deleting and/or blocking it right now.

God created man first. But, as any good student knows, you always have to make a rough draft before the final copy.

I love ya like a fat kid loves saving his dessert until after dinner.

I love ya like your mom loves monogamy.

I love ya like a sorority girl loves waiting until marriage.

I love ya like a priest loves consenting adults.

I'm not here right now, so cry me a river, build me a bridge, and do us all a favor and jump off it.

I'm not ignoring you, I'm selectively bypassing you.

You are probably doing one of these two things: 1) Checking my profile to see what my away message is, so you don't have to IM me and look stupid. 2) Feeling stupid because I know you are doing #1.

Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for...I`ll be right back.

This communication is ended.

Stop checking away messages.

I am not here...what kind of loser is online at %t.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be misquoted and then later used against you. You have the right to consult another screenname from your buddy list before speaking to me. If your popularity does not afford you this opportunity, AIM's Smarterchild or another robotic, online buddy will be provided to you in a third-party chat room IM window at no cost. If you decide to speak to me now without a robotic, online buddy present, you will still have the right to stop blabbering on or complaining at any time to consult another buddy. Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you still even considering IMing me?

I feel like you’re the IRS because our online relationship is becoming taxed for all it’s worth. Please consider the implications of continuing to leave messages.

Hi , I'm [insert your name]. People like me get thousands of IM's a day, mostly from people just like you looking to model their lives after each and every update I make to my away message and profile. While I can't guarantee your vicarious satisfaction through my life, I can assure you that you will learn a lot from my every move. You see, through years of adolescent hard work surfing the Internet and honing my social skills through Instant Messenger, I have finally gotten a life. Now, I am making that life available for FREE for everyone on the Internet to benefit from. So be sure to check back with my screenname often and don't be surprised if I'm not here--remember, I actually have a life now. Good luck.

I know you looked in my profile to see what I’m doing you nosey son of a bitch. Whatta you think, I just run off and make a profile for everyone to see?

I see stupid people reading my away message...

How are you reading this, %n? I thought I blocked you!

I'm having sex with your girlfriend right now...I'll talk to you later!

The weather is here...wish you were beautiful.

I'm not here right now, so cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it.