Anyone Who Says They Like “Fun Facts” Is Lying
The reality is that most of us haven’t been skydiving, invented a new technology, gotten bit by a shark, or know how to tap dance.
The reality is that most of us haven’t been skydiving, invented a new technology, gotten bit by a shark, or know how to tap dance.
We know you opened us with the best of intentions but let’s be honest, if you haven’t read us by now you never will.
A guide to retroactively adjusting your 2020 New Year’s resolutions so you don’t feel quite so unaccomplished.
I ree need to know if youtube dining hin fit Chirstmas, / Translation: “I really need to know if you’re coming home for Christmas.”
I wasn’t snooping, just monitoring your every action as per our agreement—and I noticed some trends that concerned me.
If you could make sure all of these opera chandeliers are turned off, that would be great.
Screen time surpassed crying and stress-baking as the best anxiety salve. Hours of gazing at TikTok bent the tip of your spine.
Anyways, the uncapped Sharpie is getting me high, so I need to make this quick.
Beg. Lie prostrate before corporate HQ and beg. You are not above this. You have never been above this.
I love to kick back and escape my many problems by throwing on some real archival footage of a man who horrifically murdered his entire family.
Is it so terrible that I want transparency? And the permanent ability to login to his Twitter whenever I'm feeling a little fucking insane?
Like, it's actually important, it will only take a second or 30 full minutes, time means nothing to me, I'm 7 shots deep and had lettuce for dinner.