Things I Would Say to My Crush If I Woke Up Back in High School
"I didn't really think this one through. I'm stuck here in this pre-Y2K past. I now have homework again and two presentations next week!"
Tag: Stress
I Am Very Uncomfortable in the Leadership Role You’ve Assigned Me: The Guy at the Front of the Conga Line
Do I look like the life of the party? It took me a solid ninety minutes to work up the nerve to even step out onto the floor!
I Own Bob’s Nut Kicker Funhouse, and No One Wants to Work Anymore
We offer employees (or Smash Testes Dummies as they’re known around here) a competitive salary of $2.50 an hour plus any tips!
Rock Star Teachers, I Am So Freaking Sorry to Be Writing You a Superfluous Email but I Have a Small Favor
What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry for sending an email when your mental energy is devoted to teaching during a pandemic? I am.
9 or So Quick Updates on Your Upcoming Job Interview
We find it helps take the pressure off the interviewee by keeping things light for the first 5-6 chats so we can decide if we even like them or not.
Idioms and the Recurring Nightmares That Make Me Shout Them as I Wake Up
“Bite the bullet!” -- I am directing Rambo 6 and Sylvester Stallone is being very disobedient.
So Your Office Has Been Reclaimed by Wilderness
If in doubt, release a canary (oh, you should bring a canary) into a ventilation shaft and observe it carefully.
Credit Card Points: Your Key to the Ultimate Post-Pandemic Vacation
One credit card point can be worth 1.3 to 1.7 cents. I tried explaining this to my wife, but she was on a work call and I don’t think she really took it in.
7 Ways to Act Cool When Your Friend Bumps Into a Friend
Before your friend has the chance to say, “How’ve you been?” grab all three of you into a hug and take selfies.
Bob Dylan’s Internal Monologue the Day He Wrote “Wigwam”
The song’s not even that long. Like 25 lines tops. This shouldn’t be that hard. Why is it so hard?
21 Things You Can Blame on the Microchip Shortage
- Your phone’s insistence that you can’t take pictures until you delete stuff. - Your phone’s refusal to agree that deleting 32 pictures was enough.
What I Plan to Do This Weekend, Knowing a 23-Ton Piece of Space Debris Is Expected to Crash Randomly into the Planet
I will still go to the farmer’s market, but I will definitely be glancing at the sky and looking for anything that looks like it might crash into me.