Cease-and-Desist Letters from Hasbro to Santa
As for the incalculable diminished commercial value you have caused us in previous years, we are willing to settle for a one-time $8 billion settlement.
Tag: Satire
Other Ways Warner Bros. Is Trying to Bury JK Rowling’s Anti-Trans Tweets
International Wizarding Day of No Technology, a new celebration where Harry Potter fans don't use modern technology while we get a handle on this PR nightmare.
A Gift Basket Is So Much More than Focaccia Crisps and a Beef Log
Just think, someone close to you took the easy way out and gifted you small quantities of randomly selected unappealing snacks.
When We Get Married, I Want to Take Your Last Name, Along with Your First Name, Middle Name, Social Security Number, and Dental Impressions
My mom took my dad's name—and fingerprints, and mustache, and a high-resolution scan of his face with a state-of-the-art LIDAR device.
Troll Tries Internet, Immediately Starts Blog
Skog thought Troll Doll craze of '80s was peak. Skog wrong. Peak time for Troll now.
I Give In: I Would like to Purchase Some of Your Incredible Essential Oils
I am so tired. So worn down. I don't want to fight this anymore. Please. Send me a bottle of Lavender Serenity, because it's time to give in.
Now That I’ve Power Washed My Proposal to You, I Guess I Can’t Finish Power Washing the Rest of the Driveway
I’ll go put the power washer back in the garage. No more power washing today.
All I Want for Christmas Is a Norse Pagan Scorn-Pole
I’ve been silently scorning them for years and I’m ready to take it up a notch—with a decapitated horse head and powerful pagan curses.
Mrs. Claus Serves Santa Divorce Papers
At 1,559 years old, I’m not getting any younger. And a woman has to do what she can to make it through this cold, ice-hard world.
Sex and the Ancient City
“But is that really just?” pleaded Andiemantus, trying not to scuff his new Manolo Blahnik Mary Jane walking sandals against the cobblestone floor.
The Marketing Pitch for Pears
Pears have all the qualities you love in an apple, but with a fresh, edgy, devil-may-care attitude.
‘Tis the Season to Eat a Whole Lot of Snow!
Isn't it beautiful? Doesn't it make you want to grab your snow-spoon and scoop as much as you can up into your mouth?