Honey, I understand your concern with my inability to complete household tasks. You’re right, I didn't finish power washing the driveway. I got lazy and stopped like I always do. It’s a real problem I have.

That being said, I did power wash a little something I’d like you to read for me. You want to go check it out? Go on ahead, check it out.

That’s right! I wrote my marriage proposal to you with a power washer on our driveway! Ha! And you thought I’d never ask. I’m not too lazy for commitment!

So, what do you say? Yes? Well then yes it is. This calls for a celebration.

All right, who should we call to tell first? Your parents? Sounds great. They’ll be thrilled.

Line is busy? Try them again.

Still busy? All right, leave a message. Mailbox is full? Rats.

Well both my parents are dead so maybe we should call friends. I’m sure they’re not too busy on a Sunday afternoon.

Mailbox has not been set up? Jesus Christ.

Well, I guess that leaves us no choice. I’ll have to leave the proposal on the cement so they can come over and see exactly how I popped the question. I’ll go put the power washer back in the garage. No more power washing today.

Your parents live across the country so it might be there for a while. Who knows, maybe forever.

What’s that? You already took pictures of it? Good idea, I thought it would make a nice picture. Maybe you should take a few more. It marks the first day of the rest of our lives, darling.

You already have a ton of them? Okay, suit yourself. I just think people will want to come see it in person anyways. Looks like there’s finally a valid reason for why I can’t finish the job this time, right honey?

What’s the matter? You look upset all of a sudden. Is it because we didn’t wait until marriage? You said you think I’m doing this just to get out of power washing the driveway!

You honestly think I would make such a rash, life-altering decision just to get out of several hours of back-breaking work? I know we kid about my laziness but I think you’re taking it a bit too far this time.

I think power washing the calligraphic message “Gena, will you marry me?” and drawing a heart is a testament to how hardworking I can be today and in our marriage going forward. And if you don’t think so I’d like to see you try pressure washing in an antiquated typeface. It was not easy. I was constantly changing nozzles and settings to get it just right. It took like twenty five minutes, baby.

The capital G took fifteen minutes on its own. It’s so far from a regular G. Not to mention the water bill this month will be pretty steep from all the times I had to restart on different spots. But that’s the price I’m willing to pay to etch my undying love for you into dirty concrete.

I didn’t even want to bring this up but I also went ahead and saved you some time by watering your gardenias out front. They were looking a little dry. Sure, the power washer was a little harder on them but it’s one less thing you have to do later. I mean, if flowers can’t withstand 4400 PSI then you can’t expect them to survive in nature.

While I was at it, I saw the petunias needed something to drink and a drink they got courtesy of my Harbor Freight Predator Commercial Duty Pressure Washer. As a matter of fact, I gave the whole garden a good dousing. So, yeah. You’re welcome.

Look, I get it. Some men express their love by simply power washing the whole driveway. I guess I’m different. Those same men probably wouldn’t write “I Love You” in the grass with a lawnmower now would they? Nor would they write “Be Mine” with dirty laundry on the floor. Don’t bet on it.

They’d probably just cut the grass, do the laundry and say “I love you.” Not this guy. Not the guy you just said yes to marrying.

Going out to the driveway to get another look? Very well then. I knew you’d come to your senses and appreciate my grand gestures.

Did I just hear the car pull out?


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