This Ain’t My First Rodeo—Even If My Pronouncing “Rodeo” Like “Rodeo Drive” Suggests Otherwise
What, because I talk funny? Because I called your saloon a coworking pod? Because I palo santoed your game of Texas hold ‘em?
Tag: Satire
The Ending of “Beauty and the Beast,” If Belle Wasn’t Into the Beast After His Transformation
“Oh. Well, I could try to grow a beard?” the Beast offers. “It’s just that it usually comes in kind of patchy."
Your Puny, Human Brain Is No Match for This CAPTCHA
Let’s call it a reverse Turing Test designed to plumb the depths of human stupidity.
I Cut Out Food from My Diet, and I’ve Never Felt Better
Hot Foods in the Wintertime or Cold Foods in the Summertime: This one’s a real bummer.
I’m an Infuriatingly Tiny Bathroom Sink
I’m inconveniently tiny. Inexplicably tiny. Infuriatingly tiny. If you didn’t have anger issues before, you do now.
I’m Reporting in a Baseball Cap So You Know This Storm Is Serious
This is my way of telling you at home, bald and not camera ready, that your safety means more to me than my hair.
We’ve Decided to Open Our Relationship (To the Void)
We simply want to take our committed relationship and invite in the chaotic meaninglessness of a vast and expanding universe.
Corporate Layoffs Will Now Be Communicated via Raunchy Chain Texts
Forward to 10 coworkers to lay them off for us, or get 9 years bad luck in your job search. 👋🍑
A Breakup Letter to My Retainer That I Have Not Worn in 241 Days
I'll be honest, I expected to hate you. I thought our relationship would be filled with searing pain, occasional blood, and lots of tears.
I Am the Stain That’s Already Ruined Your Favorite Sweater
The whole restaurant glares as you fling your body away from the table like you’re protecting the commander-in-chief.
My February Is Ruined Because This Isn’t a Leap Year
I am not entirely sure why I was so confident that this February would have an extra day.
I’m Stepping Down from My Role of Resharing My Wedding Photos from 2018 on Facebook
It was a tough decision to resign from plugging images looking my most beautiful on the best day of my life, but something I finally felt ready to do.