A Traffic Reporter Who Wants You to Know about Quantum Teleportation
Quantum teleportation. Do you need more reasons? If we had teleportation machines, then highway traffic and accidents wouldn’t be a problem.
Tag: Satire
Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day! It Was Built in Two, and We at Romulus & Remus Builders Can Do the Same for You
Have you been sculpting a triumphal arch, but can’t nail the reliefs? Are you hammering away at that sarcophagus, but the measurements are all off?
Announcing Phantom Fireworks’ Patriotic “We Kick Ass” Display
Our patented "Mega Explosion" technology will detonate into the shape of the Union Jack, then a middle finger, followed by the word “America.”
I’m a Feral Pigeon, and I’m Running to Replace the Bald Eagle as the Avian Symbol of American Freedom in 2020
As a real American bird, I’m going to get down on the ground and fight a sewer rat for half of a discarded Chalupa.
Audio from the 2019 Fourth of July Fireworks Show
[BOOM BOOM] “U-S-A! U-S-A!” [BOOM] “Do you ever wonder what would happen if everyone got sick all at once, though? [BOOM] "What?"
5 Signs Your Spin Instructor Has Been Exploiting Your Class to Power His Lake House
Phrases evoking imagery of a well-powered cabin like, “pedal like my kitchen appliances depended on it,” could be a huge red flag.
Other Nicknames You Can Call Me Besides Vinny “Chickenshit” DiLorenzo
Despite everything I do, the only thing anyone can remember is a rumor that I mistook chicken poop for Runts candy.
I’m Spartacus and I’m Sick and Tired of All These Wannabes
I’m stuck in a dungeon with Team Crucifixion. We’re anticipating a future as a unique tourist feature along the Appian Way.
Take It from Me, a Surfer, the Second Wave Is Going to Be Gnar AF!
The economy took a crazy wipeout, my grandma got straight barrelled (shred in peace, G’ma) and we had to wear those goofy masks for like weeks.
Wines to Pair with Your Favorite Women’s Target Brands
The red-berry notes that also resemble a boiled mushroom in your choice Pinot are a perfect match for any outfit from this inclusive Tarjay brand.
I Have No Career or Personal Accomplishments, But I Win the Fitbit Step Challenge Every Week
While I could find satisfaction in work, the steps I take while pacing tearfully in the work bathroom help me add thousands of steps each week.
The Vlad Quartet Is Not Playing at Ronnie Scotts
"Hello, this is Valedy calling. So sorry I missed the gig. I got pranked. Somebody nailed my coffin shut. By the time I got out, it was the next day."